Chapter 11

  “Isla, open the door.”
For the past ten minutes I’d been standing in front of her apartment waiting for her to let me in. I knew she was home, where else would she be at 8.30 am? After the ‘incident’ last week, she hasn’t replied to any of my calls nor has she answered my texts or Facebook messages... Well, I’m not shocked. I yelled at her, even though I had every right to I shouldn’t have done that. I’d even asked Edith to give me the spare key to her sister’s apartment but she’d been told not to. Isla hadn’t told her any of the details, just that she didn’t want to see me. Edith had given me a sympathetic smile and wished me good luck knowing my attempts were futile.
  “Are you just going to skip school then? Stay home, sleep? You can’t avoid me forever, you know.”  I knocked my head against the door and leaned there. I closed my eyes and listened to see if she was even up yet. At first I couldn’t hear anything, just the distant sound of the traffic from the nearby main road. But after straining my ears and focusing on the tiny details I could hear a soft scraping noise that I assume to be Homer in his litter box. I listened for the sound of water running or of something frying. Maybe even Isla talking to Homer as she does or maybe the melody she hums when she’s organising something. I knocked again; the vibrations on the door buzzing through my head. She’s probably curled up in her duvet with her iPod plugged in.
I let out a sigh and knocked my head on the door a last time before weakly swinging my bag over my shoulder and walking down the hall.
It was snowing again this morning, not as heavily as it had been yesterday but snow was snow and the thin slush that covered the city was good enough for me. After I’d left the Café, I’d gone straight home, wordlessly walked past my parents and face-planted on my bed. I didn’t want to think, I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to do a thing. I’d screwed up. Everything I’d run away from was coming back and slapping me in the face –but this time Isla is involved and she doesn’t exactly seem to be on my side.
I slid my hand into my pocket and retrieved my car keys before stepping out of the elevator and into the dark and dank parking lot ahead. The familiar echo of the car being unlocked was strangely comforting against all the sudden change. But the basement seemed so quiet this morning. Usually there’d be two pairs of footsteps; mine and Isla’s. She’d nag about all the problems she’s having in French and I’d retort with a sentence I knew was too advanced for her to comprehend. I don’t like this; going to school without her in the morning is surprisingly lonely. Is what I thought as I reversed the car out of the lot. 
                                                                           ~~~
I backed up into the Starbucks parking like I did every morning and reversed my car into the space at the very left –facing the shop window.  I turned the key and the car’s humming stopped as the engine shut down. I was greeted with a smile by the girl behind the counter but a puzzled look crossed her face when I didn’t return it. 
  “Morning, Alex.” She called cheerfully. “Where’s your haughty little girlfriend? She hasn’t been visiting us as often.” She wrinkled her nose and started the coffee machine; my regular stops here not needing me tell her my usual order.
  “Morning.” I replied monotonously. “She’s not around.” I said. I wasn’t fully awake yet, my eye-lids were heavy and my body ached. As stupid as it may seem, the fight with Isla really had taken its toll on me. I hadn’t been sleeping much, hadn’t been eating. The fact that it was my fault made it even worse.
  “Oh. So you don’t deny it then?” For some strange reason the smile on her face had faded and her tone was flat. She looked down at the Styrofoam cup as the hot, brown liquid bubbled into it.
  “How could I deny it? Clearly she’s not here.” A yawn left my lips and I sat on one of the high metal stools, resting my head on the counter as I awaited my latté.
  “That’s not what I meant.” A hint of irritation broke into her voice and she placed the coffee in front of me with a little more force than necessary, causing it to spill over the side. “$3.99.” 
I unzipped my wallet, counting loose change as I asked what she did mean. When I placed the money on the counter and grabbed my coffee, I looked at her -patiently waiting for her reply.
  “It doesn’t matter.” Though she said that, the hurt look in her eyes said something else. Before she stormed into the back of the shop she added “Idiot” for good measure.
Standing there alone and confused as to what just happened I stared at the empty space in front of me where the brunette girl had stood.
  “Right. Thanks for the coffee.” Is all I said before awkwardly leaving the shop and heading to my car.
What was her name again?  Was the last thought that ran through my mind as I pulled out the lot and returned myself to the main road.

                                                                                 -x-

He knocked again, pleading for me to open the door or at least respond to his persistent knocks. “You can’t avoid me forever, you know.”
His voice sounded so odd and distant from behind the door.  That may be true. I thought. But I can avoid you for now. Can’t you just leave me alone?  Eventually he did. He thumped against the door one last time and I stared at it in the ever-growing silence.
We hadn’t spoken since he yelled at me last week. Well, he did make the effort. He’d knocked at my door too many times to count and I’d gotten at least ten calls of which only one was answered; the only words that were said were ‘fuck off’.
I know that he’s sorry and I know I’m not being fair but I just don’t want to see him. Surprisingly enough, I seemed to have found some comfort in the silence accompanied by loneliness.
It was early morning and normally I’d be up and ready to go to school but instead I stood in front of my easel, adding the finishing touches to my latest piece of work: darkening a shadow here, adding a tiny bit more detail to a water-droplet there. I had spent the last two days depending on espresso shots to keep myself alive as I slaved over this one painting. After all, the Art Exhibition during the winter fair was just before Christmas- meaning I didn’t have very long to have my share of paintings done.
  “One down, three to go.” I let out a sigh, taking a step back to look over the fine strokes and perfect detail.  I let my lips quirk up in to the first smile this week, and I couldn’t help but feel a little proud.
I’d done it without a model, dead scared that I’d just end up wasting paint, time and canvas. The painting was that of the back of a woman –shoulders up- visible through the foggy glass of a hot shower. Decorating the class –as realistic as I could make it- were tiny, stray water droplets and patches of clear glass. The woman’s skin was soft and pale under the shine of water and her hair was a deep auburn, loosely scrunched up in her hands at the back of her head. Part of her face was visible over her left shoulder –her face was tilted up towards the pouring water; her eyes closed and her lips parted slightly.
Sure, I may not be good at dealing with fights or making friends but I'm damn good at what I love to do, and that is art. Well aren't you modest?
I danced over to my bedroom, spinning and skipping as I went along. I burst through the door and landed on my bed with a thump. For a few moments I just lay there listening to the hum of distant traffic and the chirping of waking birds. Sun poured through the open window, rays of warm light falling over my face. The fresh, winter air entered my room as a pleasant breeze against the warmth from the various radiators around the room. I looked up at the black ceiling; glow-in-the dark paint and stars formed my own personal galaxy. I’d painted that with my mom when she used to live with us. It brought back strange memories. Ever since I was little my mother had travelled in and out of the country due to her job, she’d never really lived here. Sometimes she’d be gone for a couple of months, sometimes only day trips. Eventually, she got a double promotion and was stationed in Beijing at a non-family branch of the company she was employed to. Figuring Edith was a responsible woman by now, she left to Beijing.
New year’s not too far off…I wonder if she’ll show.  I shook my head, letting the thought pass. I'm not going to get my hopes up.
                                                                            ~~~
 “Isla~” A childish, sing-song voice filled my subconscious. I ignored it and rolled around in the fluffy blankets caressing my skin. Small, cold fingers poked my cheek tentatively.  “Isla, get up.”
  “Mmm.” I let a yawn escape my lips before squinting out of grogginess at the round little face in front of me. “Go away, Joanie.” I moaned, rolling over toward the left, bundling the sheets up underneath me.
  “Hey, I’m not going anywhere.” He climbed up onto the bed to emphasise his point “Mom and dad let me in and told me to stay put until they came home from the grocery store.”  He explained, poking my cheek again “They better bring me cookies.” He muttered.
  “mmm.” I mumbled in response, letting my eyes droop.  “There are some cookies-” I paused to clear my throat, hoarse from not speaking the whole day “in the kitchen. You can have all of them if you let me sleep another hour.”
There was a pause, and I opened one eye wondering if he had left only to find the five-year old boy sitting cross-legged staring out the window as if lost in deep thought. Slightly concerned, I propped myself up on my elbows and rubbed my eyes, looking at him through my curtain of hair and poking him back; my index finger sinking into his pudgy little stomach.
  “What’s up?” I asked. He looked over and without skipping a beat asked an unexpected question.
  “Where’s Alex been?” The look that crossed the little boys face was a lonely one; his eyes slightly glassy.
I opened my mouth but words didn’t come out. I can’t lie to Joanie, but obviously I can’t tell him the truth. I let out a sigh and flopped back down; patting the empty space next to me, indicating that he should do the same.
Once he did, he buried his face in my arm like a cat. “We had a little argument, sweetie.” I stroked his soft hair, twisting the longer curls around my fingers. 
  “He hasn’t come for dinner in a long time.” Though it had only been a week, days must be stretched for the little boy, who goes to school for only a few short hours a day.
  “I know.” I said, remorse sneaking its way into my voice “but, I promise. He’ll come for dinner soon.”
My words lingered in the air and dragged on in a pleasant silence; my thoughts melting as I drifted off into another spell of sleep.

                                                                           -x-

The second I entered the school building, the façade began. Saying good morning to people whose names I didn’t remember, talking to teachers in a polite and ‘interested’ tone as we discussed the upcoming ‘NYAA Winter Bazaar and Art Exhibition’, discussing with the council members the changes that are meant to be made to the club activities and the most boring and most irritating of all, guiding the foreign exchange students through the senior branch and pretending to give two shits about their sense of direction.
I walked into homeroom to be greeted by clusters of people gossiping about what happened in the last episode of “Pretty Little Liars” or of some scandal between a high-up businessman and his new whore.
I slumped down in my usual isle seat beside Walter Yukan. Walter was short and stubby with a pretty solid build. Though he may seem like a tough guy, his only interest was piano.  “Hey, why is the new guy looking at you like he wants to rob you of your lunch money?” Said Walter. His voice as calm and detached as ever.
  “Probably cos he does and thinks he can.” And we left it at that.
The day went by in a rush of council duties and lectures, just like every day and once the final bell sounded I walked out as silently and as unnoticed as possible.  Or so I thought.
  “Alex, how about we go for another coffee. Yesterday was fun.”
Just my luck I thought as Jasper’s sarcastic and patronizing tone filled the hall. I let out a sigh and kept on walking, pretending like I couldn’t see or hear him.
I just want to go home.
  “Alex~ I’m talking to you.” He sang as he tried to catch up to me. “Still mad at me, hmm? Come on, I wanna have a chat.”
  “And as you can see, I don’t give a shit.” I responded, dodging people in the halls as I made my way to the student parking lot.
  “Oh but you know I know you do. Deep down you’re burning to just have a go at me”
  “Fuck off, Jasper.” I muttered, clenching and unclenching my fists to keep myself calm.
You’ve managed to go through the entire day ignoring him, you can last another few minutes I reassured myself.
By now the halls were flooded with students ready to leave this prison and return to the comforting solitude of their bedrooms. Student council members and others alike saying good bye to me as I walked along. I forced a smile at some of them, silently cursing myself for being so fake.
  “Oh look at you.” He said in the most condescending tone he could muster “All these people smiling at you, saying good bye to you. Ah how things have changed! A few years back, did these people even know you existed?” His words stung and as much as I hated to admit it, he was right. They didn’t know my name, who I was or even that I’d been going to the same school as them ever since playgroup. I grit my teeth and reminded myself that it was all in the past. I’d changed and people’s opinions of me changed. With that in mind I ignored the urge to retort and kept on walking, eventually reaching the school exit.
  “We used to have fun back then.” He laughed softly but with no mockery in his tone. I looked over my shoulder and was slightly taken aback by the genuinely pained and lonely expression on his face. An unexpected feeling of remorse came over me, and I suppose it is well deserved but I shrugged it off and remembered that this is how Jasper manipulates people. Someone like him could never feel anything real.
And just like that, he went back to his usual, deriding tone. “But now you’re such a bore. I guess I’ll just have to settle for your little pet.” He spat out the words, annunciating every T with a bitter thump. “She was telling me you two haven’t  talked in a few days.” My body tensed; she’s been talking to him? Ignoring my calls, leaving me waiting at the door, not coming to school  but talking to him?
“Think I’m gonna go over and say hi, maybe I might get lucky and - ”
 I felt my blood begin to boil and I cut him off by grabbing the collar of his hoodie. “Now that’s more like it.” He said with a smug grin.
  “The fuck is your problem?” My words came off more aggressive than I’d intended and for a second even Jasper seemed slightly taken aback.
 But only a moment later his eyes were twinkling with mischievous intent “Oh nothing, nothing.” He looked over to the left where a crowd of students was beginning to form; gaining some confidence from the new audience he carried on “You’re the one with the problem.” Jasper whispered.
  “Cut the shit, Jasper” I practically growled at him then shoved him against the red-brick of the school building, knocking the air out of his lungs. After his small coughing fit, he shot me a glare so sharp it could cut through stone.
He stood upright –the difference in our height evident as he looked down on me- and shoved me with a force matching my own “Finally taking me seriously?” I all but scoffed.
  “Tch.” Jasper grunted and shifted his body as if to turn away, but instead mumbled “fuck it” and before I could even blink his fist collided with the left side of my face.
I flew backwards and clutched my jaw. “Fuck you!” I briefly glanced over in the direction of gasps and cheers; phones in hands recording the scene.
  “Let’s give them a show then.” I mumbled; spitting blood out onto the pavement before barrelling forward, returning the favour with a punch of my own.
He blocked it and almost effortlessly yanked me forward, his knee pounding into my abdomen. Falling on all fours; the energy drained from my body as I gasped and gagged.
Another kick.
Then another.
And another.
My head was spinning, one second blurred into the next and when I opened my eyes, realising the kicks had ceased; a form other than Jasper’s was standing over me.  I wasn’t sure who it was, and I didn’t really care. 
Fuck this. Was my last thought as the scene around me blurred to black.

Wattpad!

Okay, so I thought I should have a Wattpad thingie as well so if you guys would prefer to read this there, you are most welcome. click here and my wattpad profile should open up in a new tab. I'm still trying to get the hang of it, it's kind of confusing but I've uploaded all the chapters I've written so far there so I don't mind where you read it :) 

Chapter 10

Author's note: The long awaited chapter is finally up! I'll make sure that chapter 11 is out sooner. Also, it would mean a lot if you guys could email me your opinions on 'Simplicity' so far and what you think of my characters at sarah_hashmi@rocketmail.com. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy this chapter!

What was she doing here?  And with him of all people! The way he looked at me? Fucking asshole thinks he can just walk back into my life like that. And the look on Isla’s face too, the confusion when she saw me with Alyssa and Iago. Although I’m pretty sure she was more confused when Jasper got up.
  “Alex, hold up!” Isla’s voice echoed through the empty, snow-covered street. I kept on walking. There was just no point in talking to her. Then again, I’d like to know what the fuck she was doing with Jasper. I heard a thud and small cry from behind me. Of course she fell. She can barely walk on carpet, let alone snow. I let out a sigh and turned around to see her brushing snow off her tights and sweater. “You alright?” I asked.
  “I’m fine. What about you?” She gave me a meaningful look. “Cause you looked like you wanted to kill Jasper just now, and then you looked like you saw a ghost when you saw that he was with me.” She was clasping her hands together. Whether it was because she was worried or because she was cold I don’t know, but her cheeks had gone pink and she was chewing on her bottom lip.
I just stood there staring at her for a good few minutes. She was slightly breathless, so she had probably jogged after me. She’s never really had any stamina. Sport was never her thing but since she didn’t eat all that much she never gained weight. I let out a sigh. “Why were you with him?” Her eyes widened slightly. “Because he’s my friend, Alex.” She said it as if it was the most obvious, most natural thing to say. Because he’s my friend. “That’s usually why people hang out together.” She continued. Her tone was dry and factual, with a hint of irritation and confusion there as well. But I just looked at her, my mouth slightly ajar. She’s friends with Jasper…. No, she can’t possibly be friends with him. I told him to stay away from her, why didn’t he listen to me? I did tell her he was fucked up, I did warn her. Why, why would she go for coffee with him then? Just like that, like we would. “Isla, no.”  She’s joking right…. She’s not friends with him…It’s not possible…He’s not going to steal her away from me, that’s not happening. He’ll hurt her. “You can’t be friends with him. You absolutely cannot do that.” I grabbed her shoulders but she shrugged me off.
  “Uh, sorry to burst your bubble there Alex, but I’ll be friends with whoever I want.” Her tone was blunt. Doesn’t she get it? Does she seriously not understand what she’s getting herself into?
  “No.” I matched my tone with hers, taking in a deep breathe to calm my frantic thoughts.
  “What do you mean ‘no’? You don’t have a say in this! I’m not a child Alex, I don’t need your permission to be friends with someone.” It was like she wasn’t really listening to me, like she didn’t understand what I was trying to say. All that she could hear was me saying that she wasn’t allowed to be his friend. She was waving her hands about now, trying to illustrate her point. She’d raised her voice too but there’s no way that I’m going to let Jasper steal her away.
  “Isla, no. I don’t care what you say but-”
  “And I don’t care what you say!”
  “Isla, listen to me dammit! Why are you being so stubborn? You have other friends; just go to coffee with them! But please stay away from Jasper, I’m just trying to tell you that he’s bad news.”
 “I have two friends Alex. Two! You being one and Jasper being the other. So if you have a problem with that then you can go fuck yourself cause I really don’t give a shit what you think of him! I’m not giving up my only other friend just because you say he’s bad news!”
People passing by were awkwardly glancing towards us, probably assuming that this was a lover’s quarrel. Was it? I looked back at Isla. I saw the tears of frustration streaming down her face. Great, now look what you’ve done.
  “Isla, look-” I tried to reason but she cut me off.
  “No.” She said, while wiping her tears “You look.”  She turned around and started speed walking back towards the café, nearly slipping as she went along.
  “Fucking hell!” I sat down on the bench behind me, throwing my head into my hands.
Now look what I’ve done. I’ve ruined everything. Why didn’t I just tell her why Jasper’s bad news? If I told her…she’d understand wouldn’t she? But would she stop and listen to me? No, it’s pointless. She won’t listen to me now.

I could hear Alex swearing behind me as I made my way to the bus shelter next to the café. Why am I crying? Is it because he got mad at me or is because you’re mad at him for telling you not to be friends with Jasper? Maybe it’s because you know that he might be right. But why should I have to listen to him if he’s not even going to give me any reasons?                                                                              I pushed the thoughts out of my head and tried to calm myself down. 
He wasn’t being fair. Alex has always had friends, even back in his anti-social days. Sure, the crowd wasn’t the best back then, but he wasn’t alone in his room all day waiting for the only friend he had to come hang out. I was. I’d be alone for hours, lost in my own thoughts; my sad, pitiful and lonely thoughts. Sometimes I’d dance around my room and sing then I’d fall onto my bed and cry until Alex would come. He never knew because whenever I saw him I’d be filled with joy. The time I spent with him was the only time that I was ever really happy. But now will he come spend time with you? Will he come and make you happy since after all of these years….you replaced him?
  “I did not replace him.” I said firmly to myself, my tone sharp and defiant.
  “S-so, who is it that you did not replace?” Wiping away my tears, I whirled around and saw the tall, skinny boy who was at the Café with Alex.  His shoulders were hunched over and he was leaning against a wall, awkwardly picking at the ends of his already torn-up sweater sleeves.
I looked at his face and when I saw his large, blue eyes with their tiny pupils I recognized him from somewhere. But….from where? So to avoid his question I fired one back at him.
  “Do I know you from somewhere? You look extremely familiar.”  His awkward way of standing, the accent, the eyes. Isla, think….where have you met this boy before?
  “Oh good. You recog-” He paused for a minute and coughed into the sleeve of his jumper “You recognize me.” He grinned largely and moved off the wall. Despite his awkward posture, he resembled a cat when he moved; his light blue eyes and large grin reminding me of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland; his lean body elegant as he walked.
I felt slightly uncomfortable. Just like Cheshire, he had a mischievous air to him as if he had some hidden agenda.  It felt like he wanted me to feel as awkward he feels, as if for some strange reason he doesn’t like me and wants me to feel uncomfortable.
  “Yes, I do, but where have we met before?”  Calm down Isla, he’s just some random guy who’s friends with Alex and Jasper. And then I realised something.  If he’s friends with both of them….He would know why they hate each other. He’d know something.
  “C-come on. Take a wild guess.” He moved even closer now, pretty much standing over me, a rich smell of tobacco flowing from him mouth.  
Where have you seen him before? That accent…those eyes? And then it hit me.
  “You’re that guy. The guy who was standing beside Alex’s apartment a few weeks back, when he was hooking up with that girl.” To my surprise, I’d spat out that last bit with a fairly bitter tone; the awkward boy was smiling with delight as I did.
  “My name is Iago Ch-chavez. Alyssa, the girl you mentioned with so much dist-taste” he winked at me and continued “was the girl with Alexander and I. And you; your name is Isla Craig.”
Okay…. Alyssa is the pretty blonde. He’s a creepy Spanish guy and he calls Alex “Alexander”.  Right.
  “I’m assuming Alex is the one who told you my name?”
  “Oh he t-told me more than just your name. When he’s drunk, you’re all he talks about.”
For some strange reason my stomach flipped and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, warming my skin.  Iago chuckled, and then had a coughing fit into his sleeve. He looked at me then at the floor, the tiny bit of confidence he had slipping away.
  “Right. What exactly has he told you?” I leaned back casually against a lamp post, trying to seem as calm and collected as possible.
  “How about you ask him yours-self, it’s not my place to tell you. Besides, that’s not what you really want to know.” He paused, looking me in the eyes and then smiling his Cheshire-like smile again. “You want to know why Alexander left the c-café when he saw Jasper. I-I-isn’t that right?”                 “Well I wouldn’t mind knowing both.” I said.
  “And you thought that he actually tru-usted you. Cute. Alexander doesn’t trust people, you should know why. Or did he not tell you that either?” He laughed at me. “You should see the look on your face. Like you’ve just been kicked in the stomach.”
I stood there staring at him; not saying a word.
 He’s right. Alex never really tells you anything. You think he does but, it’s always just you talking isn’t it? You rambling on and on about god knows what and him listening to you. For hours on end it’s him listening to you and you walking away like you’ve learned something new about the guy. But how’s that possible, when he barely even spoke in a conversation you dominated. Has it always been that way?
 “I-I better go.” I continued walking towards the bus stop, my head a mess of incomprehensible thoughts.
The snow had soaked through my boots and my feet felt like they were made of ice. My hands were numb too but my cheeks were burning.
I reached the bus stop just in time, when I arrived I saw the 47 drive up. The bus driver was old, in his late sixties probably. Why he’s driving a bus in the winter, I don’t know. Probably just as sick of his life as I am of my own. He nodded at me as I scanned my bus card and I nodded back with a weak smile.

 The snow had gotten pretty thick, falling down around me and making my clothes damp. My skin was itching under my wool sweater, and my fingers were cold and numb and dry. Once Isla had stormed off I’d sat down on the bench just thinking about how stupid I was. I shouldn’t have spoken to her like that. What must she have felt like, when I was standing over her, yelling at her like that? But sometimes the people we love need to be protected, even if that means trying to tell them what to do. It still feels awful though, I can still remember the pain in her voice and the hurt in her tear filled eyes. But I can’t have her fall down the same dark hole that I did. I can’t let her become someone like I was before.
I stood up off the bench, brushing the snow off from my jeans and running a frozen hand through my damp hair. I started walking back the way I came, looking down at my boots as they sunk into the already ankle-deep snow. The street was quiet and empty but I could still hear my voice echoing through my head, I could still see Isla storming off. I wonder if she made it home okay? Are the buses still running or did she have to walk? Maybe she called Rick and he came to get her? I looked up at the sky and the snow falling all around me. New York is always so beautiful when it snows, especially in small quiet areas like this. The small shop window on my right was reflecting the white snow and making things seem so much brighter. I could see myself in the window too. My skin was pale and my blonde hair was dark and damp, sticking to my forehead slightly. When I looked through the glass I realised I was standing in front of the Café. My body stiffened.
Jasper may still be in there. I might as well solve this while I can. I walked into the coffee shop, warmth entering my frozen body and the sweet scent of chocolate and cinnamon filling the air around me. Jasper was still sitting at his table, picking at a half-eaten chocolate-chip muffin when he saw me. A grin flashed across his face and his blue-green eyes widened knowingly as a shiver ran down my spine. I didn’t think it was possible for him to get even creepier.
  “Alex. Come to lecture me, have you?” He took a large bite out of his muffin and gave me a patronizing smile. “Are you going to tell me to switch schools? Tell me to disappear from your life again?”                                                                                                                                                                          I tried to keep my voice calm and steady. “Why was she with you?” I sat down in the chair opposite him and leaned back, balancing the chair on its back legs while not breaking eye contact. When it comes to Jasper, any one of your emotions can betray your thoughts, so it’s always best if you never showed them.
  “Oh, so you’re not going to tell me to switch schools and to never be within 50ft of you again. That makes this slightly less exciting.” He took another bite out of his muffin. His tone was casual, cool. “And what is it to you if I have coffee with someone?”
  “She’s not someone Jasper. Why were you with her?”
I was clenching my fist under the table, trying to keep as calm as possible. I’m not very good at keeping my emotions in check, especially when it comes to this bastard. Whenever I see that smug look on his face I feel like bashing it straight through a wall. After everything this fucker has put me through, he deserves his teeth to be knocked out.
  “Oh.” He grinned and he chuckled. “So that’s why you’re pissed off. You like her.” His grin grew.  “But why? You’re Mr Popular aren’t you? You have girls hanging around you all the time. Why this one? The girl who no one notices?”
  “Just because no one else notices her, doesn’t mean I don’t. Jasper, you know very well who she is, I told you about her back when we were-” friends. I choked on the word, guilt and regret filling me like it did whenever I thought of the time when I’d hung out with him, of all the stupid things we did. All that regret.
  “You did? Hold on... She’s that girl?” A look of surprise crossed his face as he remembered our old conversations and he laughed with disbelief. “The one you said that could light up a room just by smiling, who could make you turn and stare in awe at…how did you put it again? The beauty of her presence?”
I could feel every word he spoke stab me like a knife. I’d never really spoken about Isla in front of anyone except for Jasper. I’d never told him her name, never described her completely. Just small things about her. He was never all that interested though, Jasper just liked knowing things. Information was power with him. I’d never said any of the things he’s rambling on about though. At least not when I was sober anyway.
Only by gritting my teeth and clenching my fist did I manage to hold in my frustration. My head was pounding and my mind screaming at me to leave.  Nothing is going to come from this conversation except humiliation and regret.
  “You want me to stay away from your little piece of meat, is that it?” He picked up his coffee and took a long sip, finishing it off with a sigh. “Well you do know that I don’t care, right? I like her, she’s a good way for me to kill time while I hang around here.” He smirked at me, his eyes glinting with laughter. Great, I just made things worse, didn’t I? He didn’t even realise who Isla was. I doubt he even realised we knew each other. Fuck.
A beeping noise sounded from his pocket and he retrieved his phone and chuckled. He didn’t even need to say who it was, I knew by the look he through my way. “Guess someone wants some answers.” He winked at me and got up to leave. I sat there, watching him as he put on his jacket and pushed in his chair. “You’ve become such a bore. I would have expected you to have done something much more…drastic. It’s too bad.”
And then he walked off, leaving me sitting there at the table, feeling like an idiot. What’s the point in any of this? How can I keep him away from Isla when she doesn’t even understand how much damage he can do? Why did I even bother coming here? Nothing has changed. If anything I’ve made things worse.
 “Fuck it.” I banged my fists on the table, the dishes shaking and the remains on Jasper’s muffin falling to the floor.  The few people in the shop were suddenly silent as a waitress walked over to my table; her features like stone.
  “Sir, if you don’t mind.” She said in the most civil tone she could muster.  Her glare was set on me and her chubby fingers pointed towards the exit. She was a small, plump woman who could pass as 35 but was probably around 28. Years of kicking out loud costumers like me making her just as bitter as the coffee she brewed every day.
I stood up and walked out of the shop like a robot, no feelings, and no thoughts.

Chapter 9

Author's note: I'm so sorry for not being to write very much lately, but about 2 weeks ago I finished the chapter so sorry for the delay....Though it's not edited as such, I hope you enjoy it anyway. Ignore my little spelling mistakes or whatever, I'm only human. From here on out, the character view will be changing so try not to get confused and think that the only narrator is Isla cos in this chapter it switches between Isla and Alex. 

Chapter 9-

Arm, something soft. Meowing? Cat; Homer. Food. Morning?
  “mmmm” I stretched my arms out behind me and rolled over, feeling that soft thing rub against my arm again “Hi, Homer” blinded by blankets; I reached out and ran my fingers through his soft fur, scratching him and stroking him.
  “Isla, that’s my head.” Cats don’t talk! I jumped and nearly fell off the bed, twisting and turning in my blanket in shock. Once I got my head out the white sheets, Alex’s blonde hair came into view.
Oh yeah, he stayed the night, didn’t he?  I probably woke him up. “You’re not Homer.”
  “No, I’m not.” He said amidst a mass of yawns. Homer meowed again and I propped myself up on my elbows- he was circling the legs of the table, rubbing his cheeks against the hard wood.
Alex was lying on his side facing the window, his back was bare and pale against the dim light pouring in from behind the curtains. “What time is it?” he mumbled.
  “I don’t know.” I mumbled back.
  “Check.”  Gughh. I rolled over and blinked as I tried focusing my groggy eyes on the neon digits of the clock on the side-table. It read: Sunday, November 11^th 12:47 PM
  “It’s nearly 1 O’clock.” I said and he sighed in response. I felt the weight of the bed shift beneath me as he sat up, stretching his arms out above his head then letting his body go limp against the wall behind him. I wiggled my way towards him –wrapped up in my covers looking like a tie-dye caterpillar- and placed my head in his lap. As Alex ran his fingers through my hair, my eyes drooped and I could feel sleep catching up with me again.
It reminded me of when we were little except it would be the other way around; Alex would be the one to fall asleep with his head in my lap and I’d run my fingers through his soft, blonde hair. When we were little it used to be much lighter; an icy blonde. Well, mine was different too but not nearly as beautiful as his. My hair wasn’t scarlet red, as it is now but a deep strawberry blonde –or ginger to put it simply. I’d be made fun of, called all sorts of odd names that the other kids came up with like ‘carrot head’ or ‘rotten-berry’. I got sick of it and about 2 years or so ago I went and bought myself a pack of cheap, cherry-red hair dye from Wal-Mart. When I was done my ‘rotten-berry’ hair looked more like a freshly plucked one. Slowly, the memory blurred and faded out into dreams.

 She was curled up beside me, her head resting in my lap. She’d fallen asleep about an hour before I’d dozed off. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were pale. Is she feeling cold? I slid out from underneath her, cradling her head in my hands then placing it on one of her tie-dye pillows. She shifted herself slightly, curling up like a hedgehog. Her shirt was pulled up revealing her bare stomach and her tattoo of the astrological symbol for Scorpio just by her hip bone on the right -she believes in astrology and karma like others believe in religion. Her quilt was in a bundle at her feet and I stretched it out over her covering her bare legs and stomach. I looked up at the clock, it was already 4.00 PM. Mom’ll be worried. Better head home. I walked towards the table, grabbed a blue ball-point pen from the rack and looked around for a notebook. There was a dark blue one in the corner of the table with a yellow sticker labelled ‘stuff’ stuck to the cover. I flipped it open and it was all just doodles. Typical Isla. I tore a page out from the back and folded it in half then scribbled ‘I didn’t want to wake you up so, thanks for letting me stay last night. Sorry.’  onto it. I walked over to her side table and leaned it against the clock, knowing it’s the first thing she’ll see when she’s up.
I was almost out her bedroom door when I realized I was only in my boxers. I felt the blood rush to my face and awkwardly retrieved my clothes from the bathroom, changed into them then grabbed my phone off the kitchen table and headed out the door.
I opened my wallet and retrieved my keys from the coin pouch then slid them into the keyholes hearing the familiar click of the locks and creak of the rusty hinges as I opened the door.
  “Where were you last night, Alex?” it was my dad, he didn’t have any irritation in his voice, just curiosity. He had an apron on and was holding what looked like a burned apple crumble in his oven-mitt hands. I looked at him with my eyebrows raised, a smile playing at my lips. “Oh.” He looked down at the crumble and blushed a little “Don’t ask. Now, where were you?”
We walked into the living room and he placed the burnt desert onto the side table and sank into the chair with a sigh. “I was at Isla’s.” I walked past him ignoring the semi-shocked looked on his face and walked straight into my bedroom. I hadn’t stayed the night at Isla’s house in years and since we weren’t kids any more it’s not that much of a surprise that my dad was shocked. But I know my parents don’t mind, they know Isla’s a good girl, they trust her more than they trust me. So do I –I need her to keep me on the right path, as dramatic as it sounds she is the only one who can do that and…I just need her.
  “Hey sweetie, where were you last night?” it was mom but before I could answer she said “actually never mind that, there’s someone at the door for you, someone named Iago? When I answered the door it looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown, poor kid.”
  “Oh?” was my only reaction. I hadn’t seen Iago since I went clean and I didn’t even think he knew where I lived. He was Alyssa’s best friend, well, more like a pet.
I walked through the apartment and hesitated before opening the door to find Iago pacing in the corridor nervously. “Alexander, hi.” He stopped in front of me and smiled his awkward smile then looked down at his hands. He was one of the only people who ever called me Alexander.
He’d grown taller, even taller than me. We’d make fun of him when we were younger, we’d say he’d stay short forever but clearly we were wrong. He was still as skinny as I remembered, his dark brown hair curling at his temples –his blue eyes looking as peculiar as ever on his tan face. Iago was from Spain and he’d moved to live in New York when he was 12 –His parents were both diplomats. We’d crashed into each other on our bikes one day; Alyssa was there too in her pink roller-skates. It was then that the three of us became friends.
  “Hey, um. It’s been a while.” We bumped fists and I looked at him and smiled. Instead of smiling back his pale blue eyes were staring intently out the door.
Iago was probably the most awkward and shy person I’ve ever met. It had taken him a week to talk to me, whereas Alyssa had jumped into conversation the second we’d gotten up from our little bike crash.  “Why are you here?”
After I said it I realized how rude it sounded and the little panic that crossed Iago’s face made me feel worse. But the panic lasted no more than a second and he cleared his throat and said “What? I –is it that weird to come and see an old friend after th-three years?” I forgot about the accent and the stutter…. He’d only learned how to speak English once he’d come here but he was pretty good at it. It’s just that his strong Spanish accent and stutter meant you had to concentrate on every word to understand him.
  “No, it’s not weird at all. It’s just; you’re not usually the type to take initiative.”
He shrugged and smirked “People change, A-alexander. Wanna go for a walk? Catch up, have a s-smoke maybe?”
  “Yeah, that sounds good. Just give me a second.” I left the door open and went to my room, changed into a fresh pair of jeans and a clean T-shirt, grabbed my black hoodie and wound a plain white scarf around my neck.
  “Mom, I’m heading out with an old friend. I won’t be home too late.” And then I was kicking on my shoes and heading out the door after Iago.

He’d left a note for me on my desk- It didn’t say when he woke up or when he left, it was just him apologizing. But why apologize? I’m his best-friend; did he honestly expect me to send him home like that? It’s not like it was the first time he’d stayed the night after being a mess. I let out a sigh and stepped into the hot water that filled my bath tub, lowering my body into it and lying down under a blanket of lavender-scented bubbles. I scooped up a handful and blew them away, watching as a few of the larger ones floated upwards, popping before hitting the ceiling. I scrubbed my body with a sponge and once I got to my arms I started scrubbing so hard, clearing the foundation from them and reddening the skin, now decorated by long, silver scars. I stared at the red skin; scars of different lengths and intensity were spread out over both of my forearms, sparkling from the water which uncovered them. They were hideous, I hated them and I hated myself for making them so, I hide them. Every day I spread foundation over my arms forming a sort of second skin that even Alex didn’t know about, nobody knew about them. I could never tell anyone, I was too ashamed.
I sank further in the tub until the water was in line with my lips, my hair spreading out over the surface of the water like blood. I closed my eyes and dipped my head in as well, breathing out slowly, feeling the bubbles leave my lips one by one imagining me letting go of everything I hate about myself. When I ran out of air I slowly lifted my head out of the water and took in a deep breath.
Why do I hate me? What did I do to hate me so much? Is it the hate that others have for me that makes me hate me? Have I started to see me through the eyes of the people around me? No, no if I did I wouldn’t see me –they don’t see me, they look right past me. Alex sees me….He looks at me. He doesn’t hate me. Jasper…he looks at me too. He talks to me too.
I took another deep breath to clear my head and looked over at the clock -9.00 PM. I’d gone over to Edith’s around six and came home to study then I showered –she said food would be set at nine so I guess I should dry off and go eat. I got up and wrapped a large, blue towel around my body and another, smaller one around my hair making it look like a turban. Before I left the bathroom I heard a thud of something falling.
  “Homer, what did you-” but it wasn’t homer. I opened the door to see Alex picking up his phone off the floor (that explains the thudding sound) and staring at me red faced.
  “I-I-I um hi. E-Edith gave me her spare key and let me in and I did not expect you to walk out in a towel.” He looked away from me then started fumbling with his phone.
  “Alex, you’ve seen me in a towel hundreds of times” I casually walked towards the closet to retrieve my clothes then walked back into the bathroom to get changed. Honestly, I don’t get why he’s so fazed by it. Usually he’d just make a joke or whistle or something. I walked out in my oversized, teal jumper and skinny jeans. Alex was cursing at himself in the corner of the room.
  “Alex, you can turn around now I’m wearing clothes.”
  “Right.” He turned around awkwardly and sat on the bed, his head in his hands.
  “What’s up with you today?” I sat down beside him but he scooted away from me toward the headboard “Seriously?”
He was acting so strange, I’ve known this twat for years and the only time he’s scooted away from me before was when he was mad at me and I was pretty damn sure he wasn’t mad at me now.
  “I’m sorry.” He mumbled through his hands “I’m being stupid.”
I scooted closer to him again and tucked my legs in, resting my cheeks between my knees “Yeah, you are but do you wanna tell me why?”
  “I would if I knew. I just, you just. Ughh.” He fell back against the bed and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands.
  “You do know you aren't making any sense, right?” I smirked and he glared at me.
  “I am making sense; I just don’t know how to explain any of it so yeah I'm just gonna stop talking before I fuck things up.” He sat back up and stared ahead of him.
  “Alex, what are you talking about?”
  “I think –I think…I should go now.” He stood up but I pulled him back down and looked at him with a grin on my face that he knew meant my curiosity was hooked on the topic.
  “Alex. What are you talking about?”
  “Nothing, okay, I'm talking about nothing. Now, the only reason why Edith gave me a key was to call you for dinner. They invited me too, so let’s hurry up cos I’m really hungry and you know how agitated I get when I'm hungry.”  He got back up again off the bed and stormed out the room; his face red like a tomato.
Okay, that was weird.

The warmth thawed my icy skin as I entered the Café and a pleasant shiver went down my spine. The place was pretty much empty. Well, it is a Monday evening and the streets are all clogged up in the snow. I could see Jasper sitting patiently at a table at the far side of the room; his hands clasped around a mug. The café’s walls were white with black, vertical stripes making the ceiling seem much higher than it actually was.
The counter was to the left of the room; cakes, coffees and other things were on display and two cashiers -dressed in black- stood behind it working away at whatever they were doing. I walked over to them, ordered my Café Latte and went to join Jasper.
  “Hey.” He smiled, his green eyes twinkling in the lamp-light.
  “Hey, sorry I'm late. The roads were all blocked up with the snow.” I said.
I pulled my coat off and slung it on the back of my chair. I was wearing an oversized, knitted, beige sweater with thick, black tights underneath and bright red boots. I pulled off my black beanie and stuffed my matching scarf into it, placing it beside my checked back-pack on the floor.
  “It’s all right, I just got here anyway.” He took a sip of his coffee and placed it back on the table.
Jasper and I had been hanging out quite often lately. Alex was always busy at school so I’d go and sit with Jasper. He’s good company and one of the few people who doesn't seem to find me unbearably irritating so I didn't want to pass up the chance, even if he is a bit nuts.
  “I have a favour to ask of you.” He smirked and leaned back in his chair.
A favour…?  “Oh? How may I be of service?” I took a sip of my coffee but his response made me spit it back out.
  “Will you model for me?” He laughed at my reaction and said “is that a yes?”
  “Um, why?” I laughed nervously and couldn't help picturing those voluptuous models in Vogue and then my awkward, stick-like figure on the opposite page.
  “The Art exhibition that’s coming up, I need someone to model for me and you’re going to do it.”
  “So that’s why you invited me out for coffee.” I mumbled.
My mind fuzzed out a bit, thinking of all the different ways this little experiment could turn out; most of it negative. You’re no model, Isla but you could gain something from this…Excluding the public humiliation, you could get a favour out of Jasper. He’d owe you.
A smile played at my lips as the idea popped into my head. I need someone to paint for my own paintings and I've done Alex so many times that I could do it blind-folded. New challenge.
  “All right, but at a cost.” I smiled and took another sip of my hot coffee.
  “You want me to pay you?” He raised an eyebrow and laughed “Isla, I'm not going to pa-”
  “No, I don’t want you to pay me. I want you to model for me; for my own exhibition. I need a new subject in my paintings, anyway. You model for me, I model for you; it’s a fair trade, no?” I couldn't help but grin: I caught the hunter in his own trap.
I could see him weighing out his options, considering whether or not this would be a good idea. Eventually, after drinking half his coffee he said “All right, I’ll do it but you better keep your side of the bargain.”
  “I will, don’t worry.”
Suddenly his expression changed, it was a weird look, he looked pissed off yet amused at the same time; basically he clicked into bitch mode. He was looking at the main door to the side of us, well looking at the three people who just entered the café, one of which was Alex.
He was with a beautiful girl in a red turtle-neck sweater and black skinny jeans; her blonde hair framing her face like a lion’s mane. There was also a tall, skinny guy with them. He looked foreign but extremely familiar; the awkward way he stood and pulled at the sleeves on his green jumper, I was sure I’d seen him somewhere before but I couldn't pin-point it.
  “Well this should be interesting.” Jasper smirked and stood up, walking toward them.
  “He knows them?” I whispered to myself as he hugged the blonde girl. I looked over at Alex and he was glaring at Jasper will all the hate he could muster. What? I sat there alone, staring at the four of them wondering how Jasper knew them and why Alex seemed so pissed about it.
They were talking but I couldn't hear them. The girl smiled, her deep red lips splitting into a perfect grin. They all seemed so…so close. But Alex was standing outside of their new formed circle, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans; his gaze fixed on Jasper.
I assume someone asked who Jasper was with cos he turned and pointed at me. Alex -noticing me for the first time since he got into the café- looked at me semi-shocked. The award boy pointed at me as if he recognized me from somewhere and smiled at me. I could feel my cheeks glowing red, the four of them staring at me from across the room; grins on three of their faces. I turned around instantly and started aimlessly stirring my already-cold coffee. I wonder how they all know each other. Why didn't Alex tell me?
I turned around again and saw Alex leaving the café, the other three too deep in conversation to notice. For some strange reason a pang of guilt hit me, not like it was my fault but oh well. I grabbed my stuff and left the café after him, mouthing “I’ll text you” in Jasper’s direction as I left. 

Authors's note

Hi guys, um I'm sorry for not having put up a chapter in the last three weeks and for my chapters being up so late, I mean. Here let me just explain it to you like this:
2 months ago I  moved from Dublin, Ireland to Islamabad, Pakistan and I've been busy with unpacking and readjusting and being all depressing and sad so I haven't really had the heart to write all that much lately.
And what makes things get suckier is that school started 3 days ago and I've plunged into a really hard system that I'm not very good with and now even Literature has become quite the handful (and you guys can assume with all my writing and such that Literature is usually my best subject) So, please. Don't get all pissy and annoyed at me for never uploading chapters I just have a hell of a lot on my plate and a whole new life to get used to. Thanks for reading this.

-Author of Simplicity, Sarah Hashmi.

Chapter 8 - From Alex's Eyes

  “Alex.” I could hear someone calling my name but I didn’t answer.
My head was spinning; the lights and sounds in the room were making me feel like I was in a whirlpool.  Slow, chill-step music played in the background. There was something so dreamlike and whimsical about it all; the smoke slipping out of my mouth like a living creature, bending and twisting as if it had a place to go- the smells coming from it so strange and musky. I wasn’t alone; there were about ten other people in the room- some of them I knew, others were strangers. Some were holding bottles while others- me included- had joints wedged between their fingers. It was our release; this room and these things. We used it to take a step out of our real lives and venture into some other strange land, a land more suited to us.
We were all cramped in the basement beneath Emily Stewart’s house. It was a small, dark room with dull florescent lights hanging from the ceiling. Posters of bands and movies were plastered to the walls, damp with seepage. There were two large four-seater sofas, both white with multi-coloured paint splatters and alcohol stains on them. They were both pressed up against the back wall so it seemed like it was just one large sofa facing an old, silver Panasonic TV with an X-box connected to it. The games were spread out across the floor and the controllers on the glass table between the TV and the couches but no one played it, the TV screen was paused on an image of a red sports car crashing into the side of a bridge.
  “Alex, want a drink?” “It was Emily. She’s a tall, skinny girl with short, cropped auburn hair and hazel eyes. She looks as if she’d come from some exotic country but her whole family had grown up in Brooklyn.
She was looking at me with a mischievous smile, vodka bottle in hand. I looked up at her and smiled gleefully, shaking my head from side to side “Maybe later but for now I’m alright with my plants, thanks sweetheart.” I raised the joint and placed it between my lips, taking another drag.  I winked at her as she walked back into the crowd, bottle in hand.
I’ve been at Emily’s house for….how many hours now? Doesn’t matter but I don’t have a car so that means I’ll have to take the bus. Better get moving.
  “Emily.” I called her over but she seemed to be busy making out with some guy with long, brown dreads- she just waved a hand at me and disappeared around the corner. I was going to tell her I was heading out but I doubt she’ll even remember me being here in the first place. I let out a sigh and blinked hard, my vision was blurry and I felt like I was looking at the world through a kaleidoscope. I felt great.
I walked up the stairs, trying to focus on every step but they seemed as if they were moving, changing form and shape. I grabbed the railing and took in a deep breathe then let it out, trying to clear my head. I finally made it up onto the porch after tripping over a rug and struggling with the door knob. Now, what was I doing? I stood in the doorway, gripping the bridge of my nose and squeezing my eyes shut, trying to remember why I’d come upstairs.
  “You’re leaving so soon?” I opened my eyes to see a girl standing in front of me and it took me a minute to realise it was Alyssa. She was leaning against the door frame, her long blonde hair tied up in a messy bun. She was wearing a large brown hoodie over a white top and jeans.
  “I’m not leaving soon, I’ve been here for ages.” I nodded at her and I saw her smile.

“I’m not letting you drive like that.” She looked me up and down and I wasn’t sure what she was talking about.
  “I wasn’t planning on driving; I was going to take the bus.” I stated.
She grabbed my arm and pulled me out the door which seemed to bend in my vision. “There’s no way I’m letting you do that either.”
Before I knew it I was sitting in the passenger seat of her mini cooper and we were driving down the road. “Thanks, Isla.” I leaned my head against the window, the cool glass feeling nice against my cheek.
  “Who’s Isla?” She looked at me with a slightly offended look on her face.
  “What?” I asked. I cocked my head to the side and looked back at her, squinting and trying to focus on her face.
  “You said ‘Thanks, Isla.’ You’ve mentioned that name before but you’ve never told me who she is.”
I called her Isla?
  “Oh, sorry. I’m just tired.” I leaned my head against the back of the seat and looked up out of the sky-roof at the trees over- our heads.  They zipped past in green and brown lines, the occasional street lamp flooding the car with yellow light.
  “No, you’re drunk and stoned. There’s a difference.”
We turned a corner and I felt the contents in my stomach whirl. How much did I drink tonight? I smoked up too and God, my head hurts. I looked over at Alyssa, her gaze fixed on the road.  Is she sober?  I’d apparently said that out loud and she answered with “Yeah, I’m sober. I’m on a diet and alcohol makes you bloat, so.” She looked over at me and smiled, her pearl white teeth almost glowing in the dark. Everything seemed to be moving very fast; even Alyssa’s hands on the steering wheel seemed to be spinning like a top.
  “You won’t last another week.” I said smugly and she shot me a snake like look.
  “You’re so rude, Alex. Now, who’s this Isla girl?” Her voice was filled with curiosity and when Alyssa wants to know something she won’t stop asking ‘til she found out.
 I let out a sigh and shifted my position so that I was looking at her. “Isla-” I paused trying to clear my thoughts “-Is a really amazing person.”
She rolled her eyes “I bet she is but who is she? Is she a friend?” She paused as she picked the exit on the roundabout and then continued “Girlfriend, maybe?”
I put my finger up in the air, pointing at a dog on the side of the road.
Girlfriend? No…is she?  We turned another corner; following the sign labelled ‘Angle-wood’.            “We live in the same apartment complex. She’s great. Just, amazing”
I started babbling, just saying everything about her. I felt the words on my tongue but after I said them I didn’t remember them, all I know is that I spoke about Isla until we reached the apartments.
Alyssa drew into a space in front of my building and I looked over at her once we’d parked. She had this odd smile on her face, her eyes were curved and her cheeks were puffed up as if she were suppressing a laugh.
  “What?”  I asked, looking at her quizzically. “I didn’t say anything funny, did I?”
  “No, you didn’t say anything funny.”
 Then what is it? I poked her arm and she looked at me and laughed. “Now I see why sober people always laugh at the drunk -they reveal all their secrets and they don’t even know they’re doing it.”
She winked at me and got out the car, coming over to the passenger side to get me out too. My head had stopped spinning and I leaned against the car bonnet, taking out my phone to check the time- 3.50 AM
  “And what secrets might you be referring to?” My vision was still slightly blurry; when I looked over at Alyssa the light from the street lamps made a sort of halo around her. She walked towards me and poked my nose.
  “Secrets.” She winked at me then returned to her place in the driver’s seat “Now, I’m gonna go home, bye baby.”
She rolled down the window and waved at me as she drove off; irritating electro music blasting from her speakers. Now what?

She took her time to answer the door and for some reason when I saw her I felt my cheeks burn.   ‘Probably the alcohol’ I thought.
 She stood in the doorway and was saying something but it sounded like animal noises since she was yawning. Her scarlet hair was tied up in a messy bun, strands falling out and brushing her temple; my fingers were itching to tuck it behind her ear but I didn’t. She was wearing an over-sized T-shirt that hit her mid-thigh. It was an old shirt and though my head was spinning too much to read it now I knew it said “‘Earth’ without ‘art’ is just ‘eh’” She had bought it at an art fair but they only had XXL sizes left. Her skinny legs were bare and she was wearing fuzzy black bunny slippers. She looked adorable.
  “Alex, why are you waking me up at 4:00 AM?” She was rubbing her eyes and she yawned again.
  “I don’t know. I was going to go home but, I came here.” It was true, I was on my way to my own building but I took the turn and before I knew it I was knocking on Isla’s door. I needed her; I couldn’t go home, not like I was now.
She looked at me properly now, the sleepiness wearing off “You’re drunk aren’t you?” She asked, disappointment in her voice. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t need to- I knew she could smell it, see it in my droopy eyes and the slouch in my step. She let out a sigh and moved aside, opening the door for me to come in. I bent to kiss her on the forehead-like I always do when I see her- but she pulled away. Damn it.
She guided me to her bedroom and sat me down on the bed. The only light in the room came from the open bathroom door opposite me. She reached down and unzipped my grey hoodie, pulling it off my arms and dumping it on the floor. I kicked off my shoes and she let out a sigh and just looked at me; I could see different emotions cross her face. At first it was disappointment, then her jaw set tight and I saw rage.  I stared at her blankly, waiting for her to start yelling at me- waiting for her words to echo in my pounding head. But she said nothing; she just walked out of the room. Get up and follow her, you don’t need to say anything just do it. I stood up and the blood all rushed to my head, my vision blurred even more and I could feel the vomit rise to the back of my throat. I swayed and fell onto the bed, lying flat on my back “Woah.” I felt like I was about to melt into the soft blanket underneath me but I can’t just lie here, I have to follow Isla- I don’t know why but I do. This time I got up slowly, taking deep breaths and concentrating on the door to balance myself. I feel like shit.
I opened her door and Homer darted past me making me jump. He turned around and hissed at me, ever since he was a kitten he’s hated me. I ignored him and stepped around him, trying to adjust my eyes to the darkness of her apartment. When I found her she was sitting at the kitchen table, eating cornflakes out the box and drinking milk out of the carton. She nodded to me and I sat down opposite her, crossing my legs up on the chair. Why am I here? Why isn’t she yelling at me for coming to her apartment in the middle of the night drunk? What should I say? Do I need to say anything? Should I explain myself, tell her where I was, what happened?
  “Going home won’t be smart. You can’t wake your parents up this late and if they knew you were drinking they’d go nuts.” She looked over at me, done with her cereal. She jumped off the stool and placed the milk in the fridge and threw the empty cereal box into the bin by the kitchen counter.
  “Then what should I do?” I watched her as she walked around the kitchen, going to the fridge and getting out a cold bottle of water. She took out two glasses, poured the water in it and passed me one.
  “You stay here, of course. Where else would you go?” She puts her glass to her lips, wincing at how cold it was.
  “You alright with that? I mean, after what happened last week with Rick walking in on us…If either him or your sis sees me walking out of your apartment in the morning, they’d sit us down and give us ‘the talk’ like they did when we were fifteen.” My words were slurred slightly and I was surprised that I’d even had enough sense to think about what might happen tomorrow. But Isla just brushed it aside, waving her hand in the air to say it didn’t matter.                                                                     “Should I sleep on the couch?” She gave me this look as if I was out of my mind – well, I was a little. “Have you ever slept on the couch when you’ve stayed the night? No, so why should I make you sleep on the couch tonight?”
  “I guess, but-”
  “I’m going back to bed, go wash your face and come sleep.” She walked out the kitchen and I heard her bedroom door click shut behind her.
Okay. I haven’t spent the night with her in years. It’s fine. Just go, wash your face and sleep. Yeah. Simple. Wait…what are you even worried about? It’s just Isla.
I shook my head and rubbed my hand over my face. What Alyssa had said kept wringing through my mind – “Now I see why sober people always laugh at the drunk –they reveal all their secrets and they don’t even know they’re doing it.” What the hell did I even say? Think…think.
I sat there for a while; my head in my hands, my elbows on the table then I gave up. I had no recollection of what I said to Alyssa in the car, I’d just have to get her to tell me what ‘secrets’ had slipped out. I let out a sigh and got up quietly, tucking my chair under the table and wincing at the noise.  I snuck through the apartment, slowly opening Isla’s bedroom door, hoping it wouldn’t creak. It did. Once I shut the door behind me I was engulfed in darkness. Isla hated sleeping with the lights on, I remembered that much. Once I’d left the bedroom door open a crack and she’d yelled at me because the light had hit her eyes and woken her up. I blinked hard, trying to adjust my eyes to the darkness –shapes slowly began to form: the outline of her desk and her book shelf in the far left corner, the shape of her bathroom door and shine of the beaded curtain decorating it. Slowly, I made my way to the bathroom and slid past the curtain, pausing when the beads bumped together.
I looked at my face in the mirror and saw for myself the red tint to my eyes –it was hard to miss. My hair was sticking up every which way and there was a stain of something pink on the collar of my plain white T-shirt. From what I can remember of the night, I had fun. Nothing bad happened, I didn’t do anything stupid either, it was just another night out.  Then why do I feel so guilty about it?
I turned on the tap, letting cold water run over my fingers and the sink fill up. Once it reached the top, I turned the water off and plunged my face into the icy water squeezing my eyes shut as it splashed everywhere. It felt like hundreds of tiny needles were pushed into my skin all at the same time and it felt horrible, but when I pulled my head out gasping and looking at myself in the mirror –the water dripping down my face, my hair plastered to my temples; I felt so much better. What do I sleep in….do I sleep in my boxers? I usually sleep in my boxers. But what if Isla wakes up and thinks I was so drunk that I stripped and that I’m lying in her bed naked?…she might scream. No, she wouldn’t scream, she’s used to me sleeping in my boxers. It’s fine.
I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled my shirt over my head; folding them neatly and placing then on the laundry basket before walking over to the bed. I felt the blood rush to my face again when I saw Isla: the blanket was wrapped tight around her torso and she was lying on her side, her hands folded under her head. Should I go sleep on the couch? No, she’ll get mad at you for that. Just climb in slowly, quietly and don’t wake her up.
And that’s what I did. I took about 10 full minutes to lie down, stopping at every creaking noise the mattress made. I was lying flat on my back, no blanket over me. If I pull the blanket, she’ll wake up. If I move on to my side, she’ll wake up. But it wasn’t me that moved; it was Homer. He jumped up onto the bed and was purring loudly and rubbing his head against Isla’s legs. She twisted and turned, and ended up almost pressed up against me. How could I forget? Isla is extremely hard to wake up.
I turned around onto my side and my entire body tensed up when I realised that her face was inches from mine. Her hair had come undone and it was spread out underneath her. I slid my hand up to the nape of her neck and ran my fingers through her hair. She made cute grumbling noises and moved closer to me. My stomach flipped; I could feel her breath against my chest and it sent a current throughout my body. I want to move…but I don’t want to move…but…I should move. Slowly -I twisted myself around, lying flat on my back again. This time she didn’t move and now her cheek was pressed up against my right shoulder. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. Dammit.
And then I fell asleep.

Chapter 7

  “I got your text.” I held my phone in the air and smiled.
  “I can see that.” Jasper grinned back.
He was sitting on a park bench under the street lamp. There were dark shadows falling over his face, making his cheek bones far more prominent. I would have liked to paint him sitting there; just a man alone on a park bench, the light from an overhead street lamp surrounding him in a soft spotlight. The trees were dark shadows in the background and made me see lurking monsters hiding behind each one.

Jasper beckoned me over and I slowly walked towards him and sat down on the other side of the bench.
  “I was kicked out.” Jasper’s rough voice interrupted the silence.
He turned to look at me with a crooked smile.
  “That’s why I moved to NYAA. I was expelled from the last school I was in.
  “Why were you expelled?” I was curious, I wanted to know all about him. He intrigues me.
  “A lot of reasons.” His voice was heavy and his lips were a thin line.
So it does bother him.
  “Which were?”
I want to know, I want to know, I want to know.
  “Who said I was going to tell you?”
  “Well then why did you call me out here.” I shot him a cheeky grin and moved a little a closer, nudging him with my elbow “Come on.”
He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair; his scars highlighted under the street lamp.
  “I got myself into a lot of shit.” He sighed and didn’t continue.
  “No kidding. That’s usually how you get expelled.” I’ve always thought it was stupid when people pointed out the obvious.
He gave me this look. His eyebrows were raised and he had a crooked smile. Like he was thinking that he might actually find me quite interesting.
    Or just plain nosy.
  “You gonna let me finish or what?”
I raised my hands in defence and waved him on.
  “There was a bit of an accident. It-” He paused, like he was trying to figure out what words would adequately describe what had happened. “Well, it was fucked up.” He looked down at the floor, kicked a stone and watched it as it rolled away.
  “That’s what it was really; it was absolutely fucked up. People got hurt. Not even sure how it all ended up happening but somehow, somehow I ended up with blood everywhere; lots of blood everywhere and there was glass and splinters too. It looked as if someone had cut them all open and painted the floors with them and the walls too. All that red.”
He looked like he was freaking out at just the memory, his eyes had gone wild and he was speaking so fast. His hands were balled into tight fists; his knuckles had gone white. I found myself inching away from him, from the realisation that I didn’t want to hear about it anymore.                      
  “People were sprawled on the floor, with blood pooling everywhere. I hadn’t even realised that I’d done anything, I didn’t mean to. It was just everywhere.”
What is he talking about? What did he do?
He was trembling and I was sure it wasn’t from the cold.
  “J-Jasper? Calm down. Y-You don’t have to-” My voice was shaking. He was scaring me and I could barely put my words together. I took a deep breath and tried again: “You don’t have to finish, really. It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”
His eyes were darting all over the place as if he expected something to jump out at him; even I thought something might, with all the trees around us. What could have happened that was so traumatising that even the thought of it put him into a state of panic?
Maybe digging into his life is a bad idea, maybe- maybe for once I should just mind my own business.
Really? Is that honestly what you want to do? Have you ever met anyone as interesting and mysterious as him?
Crazy more like it.
That was a good point; never in my life have I known someone like him; crazy he might be. He has something dark and eerie about him and I want to know why.
But the answer may be something that you don’t want to hear.

We just sat there in silence for next quarter of an hour. He was sitting there staring off at nothing and I was just looking at him. He’d relaxed a fair bit; his eyes calm and he’d loosened his fists. His head was resting in his hands with an elbow placed on each knee. I could see goose bumps covering his arms, the hairs standing up on end.
 I should say something.
  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ha-”
  “No, Isla don’t apologize. It’s my fault; I shouldn’t have called you out here. I’m sorry.” He let out a sigh and stood up. “You best be on your way then.”
He turned to me and I could see that he’d put up a wall. His eyes were clouded and empty.
Good, cause he was scaring the shit out of me before.
Alex was right when he’d told me to stay away from Jasper; this guy has issues. I should probably keep my distance.
  “Yeah, I guess I should be going.” I let out a sigh. “See you at school?” I added.
  “Yeah.” He nodded and then stood there awkwardly with his hands in him pockets. Then he sat back down. “Umm… I think I’m just going to stay here.”
It was odd. His body language and tone of voice had changed entirely. He seemed again like that shy guy who I met a few days ago; his confidence had all slipped away. He seemed to have multiple personalities that change each time I see him.
  “Alright.” I nodded at him stiffly and walked back towards the apartments.
I was halfway there before I heard the padding of running feet behind me; I turned around to see Jasper jogging to a stop.
  “You wanna go for coffee or something? I know a place about 10 minutes from here, it’s good.”
I was about to say “Sure, why not?” until the whole scene of him flipping out popped back into my head and sent shivers down my spine. And I also realized the time; it was 9:15 PM.
Fuck, I’m late.I turned to him and said: “I’m sorry, maybe another time.” And started jogging towards home; I looked down at my watch and eventually broke out into a run.

I stood at the base of the apartment building, leaning against the wall and catching my breath.
Made it. After the stress of being late was off my shoulders I realized that I’d just ran off leaving Jasper standing there in the middle of the path probably thinking I ran away from him rather than running home cos I was late. “Great; you make one friend and you ran away from him. He probably thinks you’re dead scared of him too.” I said to myself and bonked my head against the wall behind me. Probably cause you are scared of him. “Idiot” I grumbled to myself and made my way up to Edith’s place.

Rick answered the door with his usual: “Hey there, kiddo!” He gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek and shuffled me into the living room. He was wearing his favourite shirt: A white T-shirt with a print of Darth Vadar’s helmet on it.  Everyone was sitting in the living room; Alex and Joanie were each on their own, navy-blue beanbags perched in front of the PS3. They were both shouting and Alex was laughing hysterically. Edith was sitting on the couch, curled up in a purple throw.
 “Late as usual.” Edith smiled and looked up at me. “Where were you this time?”
 I sat down beside her and smiled “Hey Edith.” I gave her a tight hug, stalling while I thought of what I’d respond with. I can’t tell her I was with Jasper because Alex would hear and he told me to stay away form him. And I really don’t want to get into another argument with him.
  “Sorry, I was in the shower and lost track of time. Didn’t miss anything interesting, did I?”
She gave me a sideways look and for a second I didn’t think she believed me. She stared at me for a few moments. Thankfully, she bought it and snapped into mother-mode. “Well, Joanie already cut your cake for you. Sorry about that. The slices are on the table; want me to get you one?”
  “Nah, its fine. I’ll get one later.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek and stood up.
  “Isla, what’s that on your neck?” My stomach sank. Fuck, I forgot to cover up the hickey Alex gave me!
Through a mass of “um’s” I managed to come up with it: “Um It was sunny today and-ah- I was out in the field at school and um I got a burn. It’s nothing; I’ll put some lotion on it later.” Before she could retort I turned around and quickly walked over to the boys.
The two of them were in the midst of a bloody battle in Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. Alex was winning of course and laughing his head off while he was at it. The characters on the screen flew from one place to the other in a dance of knives and blood.
 “Joanie, isn’t this game a bit too violent for you?” I hung my arms around his neck from behind; leaning my chin on his soft hair. He ignored my question and kept on fighting-pushing all of the buttons on his controller at random.
I looked over at Alex - he was wearing a denim shirt over black jeans with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I couldn’t help but laugh at the determined look on his face. He was squinting at the screen and his jaw was clenched.  And that is when I found myself caught in a sort of daze. I stared at him, starry-eyed and totally out of it. I looked at his pale lips- lips that were pressed against mine only an hour ago. I watched as they split into a smile, exposing his pearl white but slightly chipped teeth. His arms shot up into the air, the controller flying and hitting the ground with a ‘thump’. I felt Joanie slump under me and I jerked forward, knocked out of my Alex-infused daze.
  “I give up! I can’t beat you.” Joanie let out a moan. “I’ve tried and tried and tried but, you are undefeatable!” He sat back up and looked over at Alex who was looking back at him with a victorious grin.
  “That’s right, Joanie.” He laughed loudly, hooted and stood up “I, Sir Alex Hart!” he said in a loud and deep voice “Am undefeatable!”
I stood up, looking him in the eyes and saying “I bet I could beat you.”
It was quite comical: an underdog taking on the undefeated victor.
  “Hand her that controller will you.” He ordered Joanie, our gazes still fixed. “Let’s see what you got, Birthday Girl.” He winked at me and dropped back down to the bean-bag.

We spent the next few hours battling each other in different combat games and surprisingly enough I was the one winning. Joanie had already fallen asleep at this point- it was 1 AM after all. But of course, Alex eventually took the lead and by 2.30 AM I was sick of losing. I tossed the controlled in the corner and said, in a defeated voice: “You win.” He just laughed at me and started putting away the PlayStation. While he did that, I picked up Joanie and took him to his bedroom.
Jesus he’s so much heavier than I remember! No more chips for you, fat ass. I thought as I tucked him in. When I went back to the living room Alex was lying on the couch with this hand over his eyes.
  “I don’t get it.” I said as I walked over to the corner table to get myself a slice of cake “You used to be so shit at these kinds of games, I was sure I could win. Next time I’ll get you. I mean I wasn’t even that far off from winning.” I turned back to Alex, cake in hand and I sat at his feet at the base of the couch. I kept on rambling for a bit about nothing in particular while eating my cake; Alex just lying there listening to me. Well, I thought he was listening to me anyway.

  “Do you want the French homework we got today? Since you missed class I doubt you’d have to do it but, it’s easy and only a little so you might as well.” I looked over at him, waiting for him to respond but, he didn’t. He just lay there with his hand over his eyes. “Alex?” I put down my now empty plate and tickled the base of his foot.
  “I’ve been talking to myself, haven’t I?” I stretched my arms up and yawned “Hmm, you were that worn out?” I guess you fell asleep and I just didn’t notice.
I moved from his feet, my tiny torso now fitting sideways on the couch in line with his chest.
You always fall asleep on this couch. I let out a sigh. He was cute when he was asleep. Like everyone else he looked much younger but, I’d always thought he looked quite sad while sleeping. When we were little I used to think he’d be having a nightmare so, I’d wake him up. He used to say:
“I look sad when I’m sleeping cos you’re not cuddling me.” And then we’d snuggle together until we fell back to sleep. I couldn’t help but wonder: if I woke him now, would he say the same thing?
 I poked his cheek a few times and tapped his nose but there was no response. “Alex? Alex, wake up.” I poked his cheek again but there was still no response. And then I had an idea. I lowered my lips to his ear and blew air into it quickly. I only expected a little jump but, he got so startled that he fell off the couch, squishing me under him.
   “Woah, what just happened?” I couldn’t stop giggling but I was trying as hard as I could to keep it as quiet as possible.
  “That was priceless, I’m sorry Alex.” I said between laughs. He looked down at me with a confused look on his face which only made me giggle more.
  “Shhh, you’ll wake everyone up.” He put his hand over my mouth but he was so sleepy that he didn’t even move it before setting his head down on the carpet next to mine. We were a bit of a tangled mess; his left hand was on my face, my left arm was under him. His hips were slightly over mine and our legs were twisted together. 
  “Speaking of waking people up.” He murmured into the carpet “Why did you wake me up?”
Why did I wake him up? I couldn’t even remember now. I could feel his breath against my skin. Our bodies were so closely intertwined. I might as well take advantage of the situation.
I slid my hand to the nape of his neck and tugged lightly on his hair as I pressed our lips together. He was suddenly wide awake and he pulled me in closer, his arms gripping my body tightly. His right arm slid down from the nape of my neck to the small of my back and he pulled me in even closer, our bodies moulding together. One of his hands was tangled in my hair and he was kissing up and down my neck and then he was kissing my collarbone, and suddenly his lips were making their way down and my entire body heated up.
The two of us were so caught up in the moment that we didn’t notice the large shadow looming over us. We both jumped at the deep sound of Rick clearing his throat.
Alex and I just stared at him for a good minute; our bodies still twisted together, one of Alex’s hands in my hair and the other still on my thigh. Once we actually processed what was going on, we both jumped out of our little knot and stared up at Rick open mouthed.
Fuck...Fuck….FUCK.
My first reaction was to laugh but when I saw the confused and slightly horror-struck look on Rick’s face, my gaze dropped to the floor. Alex was sitting cross-legged, pressed up against the couch; his gaze also focused on the floor. Rick has known the two of us since we were 10 and knew nothing about our little flings. To Rick, Alex and I were like brother and sister. A feeling of shame flushed over me and I knew my cheeks were probably bright red.
  “Um…..yeah. You know what, I don’t even want to know.” Rick looked from Alex to me; from me to Alex and then to the glass in his hand. “I only came out for a drink.” He almost robotically turned around and walked back towards his bedroom. “Edith, wait till you hear what just happened.” That was the last thing we heard him say before he shut the door behind him.