Chapter 9

Author's note: I'm so sorry for not being to write very much lately, but about 2 weeks ago I finished the chapter so sorry for the delay....Though it's not edited as such, I hope you enjoy it anyway. Ignore my little spelling mistakes or whatever, I'm only human. From here on out, the character view will be changing so try not to get confused and think that the only narrator is Isla cos in this chapter it switches between Isla and Alex. 

Chapter 9-

Arm, something soft. Meowing? Cat; Homer. Food. Morning?
  “mmmm” I stretched my arms out behind me and rolled over, feeling that soft thing rub against my arm again “Hi, Homer” blinded by blankets; I reached out and ran my fingers through his soft fur, scratching him and stroking him.
  “Isla, that’s my head.” Cats don’t talk! I jumped and nearly fell off the bed, twisting and turning in my blanket in shock. Once I got my head out the white sheets, Alex’s blonde hair came into view.
Oh yeah, he stayed the night, didn’t he?  I probably woke him up. “You’re not Homer.”
  “No, I’m not.” He said amidst a mass of yawns. Homer meowed again and I propped myself up on my elbows- he was circling the legs of the table, rubbing his cheeks against the hard wood.
Alex was lying on his side facing the window, his back was bare and pale against the dim light pouring in from behind the curtains. “What time is it?” he mumbled.
  “I don’t know.” I mumbled back.
  “Check.”  Gughh. I rolled over and blinked as I tried focusing my groggy eyes on the neon digits of the clock on the side-table. It read: Sunday, November 11^th 12:47 PM
  “It’s nearly 1 O’clock.” I said and he sighed in response. I felt the weight of the bed shift beneath me as he sat up, stretching his arms out above his head then letting his body go limp against the wall behind him. I wiggled my way towards him –wrapped up in my covers looking like a tie-dye caterpillar- and placed my head in his lap. As Alex ran his fingers through my hair, my eyes drooped and I could feel sleep catching up with me again.
It reminded me of when we were little except it would be the other way around; Alex would be the one to fall asleep with his head in my lap and I’d run my fingers through his soft, blonde hair. When we were little it used to be much lighter; an icy blonde. Well, mine was different too but not nearly as beautiful as his. My hair wasn’t scarlet red, as it is now but a deep strawberry blonde –or ginger to put it simply. I’d be made fun of, called all sorts of odd names that the other kids came up with like ‘carrot head’ or ‘rotten-berry’. I got sick of it and about 2 years or so ago I went and bought myself a pack of cheap, cherry-red hair dye from Wal-Mart. When I was done my ‘rotten-berry’ hair looked more like a freshly plucked one. Slowly, the memory blurred and faded out into dreams.

 She was curled up beside me, her head resting in my lap. She’d fallen asleep about an hour before I’d dozed off. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were pale. Is she feeling cold? I slid out from underneath her, cradling her head in my hands then placing it on one of her tie-dye pillows. She shifted herself slightly, curling up like a hedgehog. Her shirt was pulled up revealing her bare stomach and her tattoo of the astrological symbol for Scorpio just by her hip bone on the right -she believes in astrology and karma like others believe in religion. Her quilt was in a bundle at her feet and I stretched it out over her covering her bare legs and stomach. I looked up at the clock, it was already 4.00 PM. Mom’ll be worried. Better head home. I walked towards the table, grabbed a blue ball-point pen from the rack and looked around for a notebook. There was a dark blue one in the corner of the table with a yellow sticker labelled ‘stuff’ stuck to the cover. I flipped it open and it was all just doodles. Typical Isla. I tore a page out from the back and folded it in half then scribbled ‘I didn’t want to wake you up so, thanks for letting me stay last night. Sorry.’  onto it. I walked over to her side table and leaned it against the clock, knowing it’s the first thing she’ll see when she’s up.
I was almost out her bedroom door when I realized I was only in my boxers. I felt the blood rush to my face and awkwardly retrieved my clothes from the bathroom, changed into them then grabbed my phone off the kitchen table and headed out the door.
I opened my wallet and retrieved my keys from the coin pouch then slid them into the keyholes hearing the familiar click of the locks and creak of the rusty hinges as I opened the door.
  “Where were you last night, Alex?” it was my dad, he didn’t have any irritation in his voice, just curiosity. He had an apron on and was holding what looked like a burned apple crumble in his oven-mitt hands. I looked at him with my eyebrows raised, a smile playing at my lips. “Oh.” He looked down at the crumble and blushed a little “Don’t ask. Now, where were you?”
We walked into the living room and he placed the burnt desert onto the side table and sank into the chair with a sigh. “I was at Isla’s.” I walked past him ignoring the semi-shocked looked on his face and walked straight into my bedroom. I hadn’t stayed the night at Isla’s house in years and since we weren’t kids any more it’s not that much of a surprise that my dad was shocked. But I know my parents don’t mind, they know Isla’s a good girl, they trust her more than they trust me. So do I –I need her to keep me on the right path, as dramatic as it sounds she is the only one who can do that and…I just need her.
  “Hey sweetie, where were you last night?” it was mom but before I could answer she said “actually never mind that, there’s someone at the door for you, someone named Iago? When I answered the door it looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown, poor kid.”
  “Oh?” was my only reaction. I hadn’t seen Iago since I went clean and I didn’t even think he knew where I lived. He was Alyssa’s best friend, well, more like a pet.
I walked through the apartment and hesitated before opening the door to find Iago pacing in the corridor nervously. “Alexander, hi.” He stopped in front of me and smiled his awkward smile then looked down at his hands. He was one of the only people who ever called me Alexander.
He’d grown taller, even taller than me. We’d make fun of him when we were younger, we’d say he’d stay short forever but clearly we were wrong. He was still as skinny as I remembered, his dark brown hair curling at his temples –his blue eyes looking as peculiar as ever on his tan face. Iago was from Spain and he’d moved to live in New York when he was 12 –His parents were both diplomats. We’d crashed into each other on our bikes one day; Alyssa was there too in her pink roller-skates. It was then that the three of us became friends.
  “Hey, um. It’s been a while.” We bumped fists and I looked at him and smiled. Instead of smiling back his pale blue eyes were staring intently out the door.
Iago was probably the most awkward and shy person I’ve ever met. It had taken him a week to talk to me, whereas Alyssa had jumped into conversation the second we’d gotten up from our little bike crash.  “Why are you here?”
After I said it I realized how rude it sounded and the little panic that crossed Iago’s face made me feel worse. But the panic lasted no more than a second and he cleared his throat and said “What? I –is it that weird to come and see an old friend after th-three years?” I forgot about the accent and the stutter…. He’d only learned how to speak English once he’d come here but he was pretty good at it. It’s just that his strong Spanish accent and stutter meant you had to concentrate on every word to understand him.
  “No, it’s not weird at all. It’s just; you’re not usually the type to take initiative.”
He shrugged and smirked “People change, A-alexander. Wanna go for a walk? Catch up, have a s-smoke maybe?”
  “Yeah, that sounds good. Just give me a second.” I left the door open and went to my room, changed into a fresh pair of jeans and a clean T-shirt, grabbed my black hoodie and wound a plain white scarf around my neck.
  “Mom, I’m heading out with an old friend. I won’t be home too late.” And then I was kicking on my shoes and heading out the door after Iago.

He’d left a note for me on my desk- It didn’t say when he woke up or when he left, it was just him apologizing. But why apologize? I’m his best-friend; did he honestly expect me to send him home like that? It’s not like it was the first time he’d stayed the night after being a mess. I let out a sigh and stepped into the hot water that filled my bath tub, lowering my body into it and lying down under a blanket of lavender-scented bubbles. I scooped up a handful and blew them away, watching as a few of the larger ones floated upwards, popping before hitting the ceiling. I scrubbed my body with a sponge and once I got to my arms I started scrubbing so hard, clearing the foundation from them and reddening the skin, now decorated by long, silver scars. I stared at the red skin; scars of different lengths and intensity were spread out over both of my forearms, sparkling from the water which uncovered them. They were hideous, I hated them and I hated myself for making them so, I hide them. Every day I spread foundation over my arms forming a sort of second skin that even Alex didn’t know about, nobody knew about them. I could never tell anyone, I was too ashamed.
I sank further in the tub until the water was in line with my lips, my hair spreading out over the surface of the water like blood. I closed my eyes and dipped my head in as well, breathing out slowly, feeling the bubbles leave my lips one by one imagining me letting go of everything I hate about myself. When I ran out of air I slowly lifted my head out of the water and took in a deep breath.
Why do I hate me? What did I do to hate me so much? Is it the hate that others have for me that makes me hate me? Have I started to see me through the eyes of the people around me? No, no if I did I wouldn’t see me –they don’t see me, they look right past me. Alex sees me….He looks at me. He doesn’t hate me. Jasper…he looks at me too. He talks to me too.
I took another deep breath to clear my head and looked over at the clock -9.00 PM. I’d gone over to Edith’s around six and came home to study then I showered –she said food would be set at nine so I guess I should dry off and go eat. I got up and wrapped a large, blue towel around my body and another, smaller one around my hair making it look like a turban. Before I left the bathroom I heard a thud of something falling.
  “Homer, what did you-” but it wasn’t homer. I opened the door to see Alex picking up his phone off the floor (that explains the thudding sound) and staring at me red faced.
  “I-I-I um hi. E-Edith gave me her spare key and let me in and I did not expect you to walk out in a towel.” He looked away from me then started fumbling with his phone.
  “Alex, you’ve seen me in a towel hundreds of times” I casually walked towards the closet to retrieve my clothes then walked back into the bathroom to get changed. Honestly, I don’t get why he’s so fazed by it. Usually he’d just make a joke or whistle or something. I walked out in my oversized, teal jumper and skinny jeans. Alex was cursing at himself in the corner of the room.
  “Alex, you can turn around now I’m wearing clothes.”
  “Right.” He turned around awkwardly and sat on the bed, his head in his hands.
  “What’s up with you today?” I sat down beside him but he scooted away from me toward the headboard “Seriously?”
He was acting so strange, I’ve known this twat for years and the only time he’s scooted away from me before was when he was mad at me and I was pretty damn sure he wasn’t mad at me now.
  “I’m sorry.” He mumbled through his hands “I’m being stupid.”
I scooted closer to him again and tucked my legs in, resting my cheeks between my knees “Yeah, you are but do you wanna tell me why?”
  “I would if I knew. I just, you just. Ughh.” He fell back against the bed and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands.
  “You do know you aren't making any sense, right?” I smirked and he glared at me.
  “I am making sense; I just don’t know how to explain any of it so yeah I'm just gonna stop talking before I fuck things up.” He sat back up and stared ahead of him.
  “Alex, what are you talking about?”
  “I think –I think…I should go now.” He stood up but I pulled him back down and looked at him with a grin on my face that he knew meant my curiosity was hooked on the topic.
  “Alex. What are you talking about?”
  “Nothing, okay, I'm talking about nothing. Now, the only reason why Edith gave me a key was to call you for dinner. They invited me too, so let’s hurry up cos I’m really hungry and you know how agitated I get when I'm hungry.”  He got back up again off the bed and stormed out the room; his face red like a tomato.
Okay, that was weird.

The warmth thawed my icy skin as I entered the Café and a pleasant shiver went down my spine. The place was pretty much empty. Well, it is a Monday evening and the streets are all clogged up in the snow. I could see Jasper sitting patiently at a table at the far side of the room; his hands clasped around a mug. The café’s walls were white with black, vertical stripes making the ceiling seem much higher than it actually was.
The counter was to the left of the room; cakes, coffees and other things were on display and two cashiers -dressed in black- stood behind it working away at whatever they were doing. I walked over to them, ordered my Café Latte and went to join Jasper.
  “Hey.” He smiled, his green eyes twinkling in the lamp-light.
  “Hey, sorry I'm late. The roads were all blocked up with the snow.” I said.
I pulled my coat off and slung it on the back of my chair. I was wearing an oversized, knitted, beige sweater with thick, black tights underneath and bright red boots. I pulled off my black beanie and stuffed my matching scarf into it, placing it beside my checked back-pack on the floor.
  “It’s all right, I just got here anyway.” He took a sip of his coffee and placed it back on the table.
Jasper and I had been hanging out quite often lately. Alex was always busy at school so I’d go and sit with Jasper. He’s good company and one of the few people who doesn't seem to find me unbearably irritating so I didn't want to pass up the chance, even if he is a bit nuts.
  “I have a favour to ask of you.” He smirked and leaned back in his chair.
A favour…?  “Oh? How may I be of service?” I took a sip of my coffee but his response made me spit it back out.
  “Will you model for me?” He laughed at my reaction and said “is that a yes?”
  “Um, why?” I laughed nervously and couldn't help picturing those voluptuous models in Vogue and then my awkward, stick-like figure on the opposite page.
  “The Art exhibition that’s coming up, I need someone to model for me and you’re going to do it.”
  “So that’s why you invited me out for coffee.” I mumbled.
My mind fuzzed out a bit, thinking of all the different ways this little experiment could turn out; most of it negative. You’re no model, Isla but you could gain something from this…Excluding the public humiliation, you could get a favour out of Jasper. He’d owe you.
A smile played at my lips as the idea popped into my head. I need someone to paint for my own paintings and I've done Alex so many times that I could do it blind-folded. New challenge.
  “All right, but at a cost.” I smiled and took another sip of my hot coffee.
  “You want me to pay you?” He raised an eyebrow and laughed “Isla, I'm not going to pa-”
  “No, I don’t want you to pay me. I want you to model for me; for my own exhibition. I need a new subject in my paintings, anyway. You model for me, I model for you; it’s a fair trade, no?” I couldn't help but grin: I caught the hunter in his own trap.
I could see him weighing out his options, considering whether or not this would be a good idea. Eventually, after drinking half his coffee he said “All right, I’ll do it but you better keep your side of the bargain.”
  “I will, don’t worry.”
Suddenly his expression changed, it was a weird look, he looked pissed off yet amused at the same time; basically he clicked into bitch mode. He was looking at the main door to the side of us, well looking at the three people who just entered the café, one of which was Alex.
He was with a beautiful girl in a red turtle-neck sweater and black skinny jeans; her blonde hair framing her face like a lion’s mane. There was also a tall, skinny guy with them. He looked foreign but extremely familiar; the awkward way he stood and pulled at the sleeves on his green jumper, I was sure I’d seen him somewhere before but I couldn't pin-point it.
  “Well this should be interesting.” Jasper smirked and stood up, walking toward them.
  “He knows them?” I whispered to myself as he hugged the blonde girl. I looked over at Alex and he was glaring at Jasper will all the hate he could muster. What? I sat there alone, staring at the four of them wondering how Jasper knew them and why Alex seemed so pissed about it.
They were talking but I couldn't hear them. The girl smiled, her deep red lips splitting into a perfect grin. They all seemed so…so close. But Alex was standing outside of their new formed circle, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans; his gaze fixed on Jasper.
I assume someone asked who Jasper was with cos he turned and pointed at me. Alex -noticing me for the first time since he got into the café- looked at me semi-shocked. The award boy pointed at me as if he recognized me from somewhere and smiled at me. I could feel my cheeks glowing red, the four of them staring at me from across the room; grins on three of their faces. I turned around instantly and started aimlessly stirring my already-cold coffee. I wonder how they all know each other. Why didn't Alex tell me?
I turned around again and saw Alex leaving the café, the other three too deep in conversation to notice. For some strange reason a pang of guilt hit me, not like it was my fault but oh well. I grabbed my stuff and left the café after him, mouthing “I’ll text you” in Jasper’s direction as I left. 

Authors's note

Hi guys, um I'm sorry for not having put up a chapter in the last three weeks and for my chapters being up so late, I mean. Here let me just explain it to you like this:
2 months ago I  moved from Dublin, Ireland to Islamabad, Pakistan and I've been busy with unpacking and readjusting and being all depressing and sad so I haven't really had the heart to write all that much lately.
And what makes things get suckier is that school started 3 days ago and I've plunged into a really hard system that I'm not very good with and now even Literature has become quite the handful (and you guys can assume with all my writing and such that Literature is usually my best subject) So, please. Don't get all pissy and annoyed at me for never uploading chapters I just have a hell of a lot on my plate and a whole new life to get used to. Thanks for reading this.

-Author of Simplicity, Sarah Hashmi.

Chapter 8 - From Alex's Eyes

  “Alex.” I could hear someone calling my name but I didn’t answer.
My head was spinning; the lights and sounds in the room were making me feel like I was in a whirlpool.  Slow, chill-step music played in the background. There was something so dreamlike and whimsical about it all; the smoke slipping out of my mouth like a living creature, bending and twisting as if it had a place to go- the smells coming from it so strange and musky. I wasn’t alone; there were about ten other people in the room- some of them I knew, others were strangers. Some were holding bottles while others- me included- had joints wedged between their fingers. It was our release; this room and these things. We used it to take a step out of our real lives and venture into some other strange land, a land more suited to us.
We were all cramped in the basement beneath Emily Stewart’s house. It was a small, dark room with dull florescent lights hanging from the ceiling. Posters of bands and movies were plastered to the walls, damp with seepage. There were two large four-seater sofas, both white with multi-coloured paint splatters and alcohol stains on them. They were both pressed up against the back wall so it seemed like it was just one large sofa facing an old, silver Panasonic TV with an X-box connected to it. The games were spread out across the floor and the controllers on the glass table between the TV and the couches but no one played it, the TV screen was paused on an image of a red sports car crashing into the side of a bridge.
  “Alex, want a drink?” “It was Emily. She’s a tall, skinny girl with short, cropped auburn hair and hazel eyes. She looks as if she’d come from some exotic country but her whole family had grown up in Brooklyn.
She was looking at me with a mischievous smile, vodka bottle in hand. I looked up at her and smiled gleefully, shaking my head from side to side “Maybe later but for now I’m alright with my plants, thanks sweetheart.” I raised the joint and placed it between my lips, taking another drag.  I winked at her as she walked back into the crowd, bottle in hand.
I’ve been at Emily’s house for….how many hours now? Doesn’t matter but I don’t have a car so that means I’ll have to take the bus. Better get moving.
  “Emily.” I called her over but she seemed to be busy making out with some guy with long, brown dreads- she just waved a hand at me and disappeared around the corner. I was going to tell her I was heading out but I doubt she’ll even remember me being here in the first place. I let out a sigh and blinked hard, my vision was blurry and I felt like I was looking at the world through a kaleidoscope. I felt great.
I walked up the stairs, trying to focus on every step but they seemed as if they were moving, changing form and shape. I grabbed the railing and took in a deep breathe then let it out, trying to clear my head. I finally made it up onto the porch after tripping over a rug and struggling with the door knob. Now, what was I doing? I stood in the doorway, gripping the bridge of my nose and squeezing my eyes shut, trying to remember why I’d come upstairs.
  “You’re leaving so soon?” I opened my eyes to see a girl standing in front of me and it took me a minute to realise it was Alyssa. She was leaning against the door frame, her long blonde hair tied up in a messy bun. She was wearing a large brown hoodie over a white top and jeans.
  “I’m not leaving soon, I’ve been here for ages.” I nodded at her and I saw her smile.

“I’m not letting you drive like that.” She looked me up and down and I wasn’t sure what she was talking about.
  “I wasn’t planning on driving; I was going to take the bus.” I stated.
She grabbed my arm and pulled me out the door which seemed to bend in my vision. “There’s no way I’m letting you do that either.”
Before I knew it I was sitting in the passenger seat of her mini cooper and we were driving down the road. “Thanks, Isla.” I leaned my head against the window, the cool glass feeling nice against my cheek.
  “Who’s Isla?” She looked at me with a slightly offended look on her face.
  “What?” I asked. I cocked my head to the side and looked back at her, squinting and trying to focus on her face.
  “You said ‘Thanks, Isla.’ You’ve mentioned that name before but you’ve never told me who she is.”
I called her Isla?
  “Oh, sorry. I’m just tired.” I leaned my head against the back of the seat and looked up out of the sky-roof at the trees over- our heads.  They zipped past in green and brown lines, the occasional street lamp flooding the car with yellow light.
  “No, you’re drunk and stoned. There’s a difference.”
We turned a corner and I felt the contents in my stomach whirl. How much did I drink tonight? I smoked up too and God, my head hurts. I looked over at Alyssa, her gaze fixed on the road.  Is she sober?  I’d apparently said that out loud and she answered with “Yeah, I’m sober. I’m on a diet and alcohol makes you bloat, so.” She looked over at me and smiled, her pearl white teeth almost glowing in the dark. Everything seemed to be moving very fast; even Alyssa’s hands on the steering wheel seemed to be spinning like a top.
  “You won’t last another week.” I said smugly and she shot me a snake like look.
  “You’re so rude, Alex. Now, who’s this Isla girl?” Her voice was filled with curiosity and when Alyssa wants to know something she won’t stop asking ‘til she found out.
 I let out a sigh and shifted my position so that I was looking at her. “Isla-” I paused trying to clear my thoughts “-Is a really amazing person.”
She rolled her eyes “I bet she is but who is she? Is she a friend?” She paused as she picked the exit on the roundabout and then continued “Girlfriend, maybe?”
I put my finger up in the air, pointing at a dog on the side of the road.
Girlfriend? No…is she?  We turned another corner; following the sign labelled ‘Angle-wood’.            “We live in the same apartment complex. She’s great. Just, amazing”
I started babbling, just saying everything about her. I felt the words on my tongue but after I said them I didn’t remember them, all I know is that I spoke about Isla until we reached the apartments.
Alyssa drew into a space in front of my building and I looked over at her once we’d parked. She had this odd smile on her face, her eyes were curved and her cheeks were puffed up as if she were suppressing a laugh.
  “What?”  I asked, looking at her quizzically. “I didn’t say anything funny, did I?”
  “No, you didn’t say anything funny.”
 Then what is it? I poked her arm and she looked at me and laughed. “Now I see why sober people always laugh at the drunk -they reveal all their secrets and they don’t even know they’re doing it.”
She winked at me and got out the car, coming over to the passenger side to get me out too. My head had stopped spinning and I leaned against the car bonnet, taking out my phone to check the time- 3.50 AM
  “And what secrets might you be referring to?” My vision was still slightly blurry; when I looked over at Alyssa the light from the street lamps made a sort of halo around her. She walked towards me and poked my nose.
  “Secrets.” She winked at me then returned to her place in the driver’s seat “Now, I’m gonna go home, bye baby.”
She rolled down the window and waved at me as she drove off; irritating electro music blasting from her speakers. Now what?

She took her time to answer the door and for some reason when I saw her I felt my cheeks burn.   ‘Probably the alcohol’ I thought.
 She stood in the doorway and was saying something but it sounded like animal noises since she was yawning. Her scarlet hair was tied up in a messy bun, strands falling out and brushing her temple; my fingers were itching to tuck it behind her ear but I didn’t. She was wearing an over-sized T-shirt that hit her mid-thigh. It was an old shirt and though my head was spinning too much to read it now I knew it said “‘Earth’ without ‘art’ is just ‘eh’” She had bought it at an art fair but they only had XXL sizes left. Her skinny legs were bare and she was wearing fuzzy black bunny slippers. She looked adorable.
  “Alex, why are you waking me up at 4:00 AM?” She was rubbing her eyes and she yawned again.
  “I don’t know. I was going to go home but, I came here.” It was true, I was on my way to my own building but I took the turn and before I knew it I was knocking on Isla’s door. I needed her; I couldn’t go home, not like I was now.
She looked at me properly now, the sleepiness wearing off “You’re drunk aren’t you?” She asked, disappointment in her voice. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t need to- I knew she could smell it, see it in my droopy eyes and the slouch in my step. She let out a sigh and moved aside, opening the door for me to come in. I bent to kiss her on the forehead-like I always do when I see her- but she pulled away. Damn it.
She guided me to her bedroom and sat me down on the bed. The only light in the room came from the open bathroom door opposite me. She reached down and unzipped my grey hoodie, pulling it off my arms and dumping it on the floor. I kicked off my shoes and she let out a sigh and just looked at me; I could see different emotions cross her face. At first it was disappointment, then her jaw set tight and I saw rage.  I stared at her blankly, waiting for her to start yelling at me- waiting for her words to echo in my pounding head. But she said nothing; she just walked out of the room. Get up and follow her, you don’t need to say anything just do it. I stood up and the blood all rushed to my head, my vision blurred even more and I could feel the vomit rise to the back of my throat. I swayed and fell onto the bed, lying flat on my back “Woah.” I felt like I was about to melt into the soft blanket underneath me but I can’t just lie here, I have to follow Isla- I don’t know why but I do. This time I got up slowly, taking deep breaths and concentrating on the door to balance myself. I feel like shit.
I opened her door and Homer darted past me making me jump. He turned around and hissed at me, ever since he was a kitten he’s hated me. I ignored him and stepped around him, trying to adjust my eyes to the darkness of her apartment. When I found her she was sitting at the kitchen table, eating cornflakes out the box and drinking milk out of the carton. She nodded to me and I sat down opposite her, crossing my legs up on the chair. Why am I here? Why isn’t she yelling at me for coming to her apartment in the middle of the night drunk? What should I say? Do I need to say anything? Should I explain myself, tell her where I was, what happened?
  “Going home won’t be smart. You can’t wake your parents up this late and if they knew you were drinking they’d go nuts.” She looked over at me, done with her cereal. She jumped off the stool and placed the milk in the fridge and threw the empty cereal box into the bin by the kitchen counter.
  “Then what should I do?” I watched her as she walked around the kitchen, going to the fridge and getting out a cold bottle of water. She took out two glasses, poured the water in it and passed me one.
  “You stay here, of course. Where else would you go?” She puts her glass to her lips, wincing at how cold it was.
  “You alright with that? I mean, after what happened last week with Rick walking in on us…If either him or your sis sees me walking out of your apartment in the morning, they’d sit us down and give us ‘the talk’ like they did when we were fifteen.” My words were slurred slightly and I was surprised that I’d even had enough sense to think about what might happen tomorrow. But Isla just brushed it aside, waving her hand in the air to say it didn’t matter.                                                                     “Should I sleep on the couch?” She gave me this look as if I was out of my mind – well, I was a little. “Have you ever slept on the couch when you’ve stayed the night? No, so why should I make you sleep on the couch tonight?”
  “I guess, but-”
  “I’m going back to bed, go wash your face and come sleep.” She walked out the kitchen and I heard her bedroom door click shut behind her.
Okay. I haven’t spent the night with her in years. It’s fine. Just go, wash your face and sleep. Yeah. Simple. Wait…what are you even worried about? It’s just Isla.
I shook my head and rubbed my hand over my face. What Alyssa had said kept wringing through my mind – “Now I see why sober people always laugh at the drunk –they reveal all their secrets and they don’t even know they’re doing it.” What the hell did I even say? Think…think.
I sat there for a while; my head in my hands, my elbows on the table then I gave up. I had no recollection of what I said to Alyssa in the car, I’d just have to get her to tell me what ‘secrets’ had slipped out. I let out a sigh and got up quietly, tucking my chair under the table and wincing at the noise.  I snuck through the apartment, slowly opening Isla’s bedroom door, hoping it wouldn’t creak. It did. Once I shut the door behind me I was engulfed in darkness. Isla hated sleeping with the lights on, I remembered that much. Once I’d left the bedroom door open a crack and she’d yelled at me because the light had hit her eyes and woken her up. I blinked hard, trying to adjust my eyes to the darkness –shapes slowly began to form: the outline of her desk and her book shelf in the far left corner, the shape of her bathroom door and shine of the beaded curtain decorating it. Slowly, I made my way to the bathroom and slid past the curtain, pausing when the beads bumped together.
I looked at my face in the mirror and saw for myself the red tint to my eyes –it was hard to miss. My hair was sticking up every which way and there was a stain of something pink on the collar of my plain white T-shirt. From what I can remember of the night, I had fun. Nothing bad happened, I didn’t do anything stupid either, it was just another night out.  Then why do I feel so guilty about it?
I turned on the tap, letting cold water run over my fingers and the sink fill up. Once it reached the top, I turned the water off and plunged my face into the icy water squeezing my eyes shut as it splashed everywhere. It felt like hundreds of tiny needles were pushed into my skin all at the same time and it felt horrible, but when I pulled my head out gasping and looking at myself in the mirror –the water dripping down my face, my hair plastered to my temples; I felt so much better. What do I sleep in….do I sleep in my boxers? I usually sleep in my boxers. But what if Isla wakes up and thinks I was so drunk that I stripped and that I’m lying in her bed naked?…she might scream. No, she wouldn’t scream, she’s used to me sleeping in my boxers. It’s fine.
I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled my shirt over my head; folding them neatly and placing then on the laundry basket before walking over to the bed. I felt the blood rush to my face again when I saw Isla: the blanket was wrapped tight around her torso and she was lying on her side, her hands folded under her head. Should I go sleep on the couch? No, she’ll get mad at you for that. Just climb in slowly, quietly and don’t wake her up.
And that’s what I did. I took about 10 full minutes to lie down, stopping at every creaking noise the mattress made. I was lying flat on my back, no blanket over me. If I pull the blanket, she’ll wake up. If I move on to my side, she’ll wake up. But it wasn’t me that moved; it was Homer. He jumped up onto the bed and was purring loudly and rubbing his head against Isla’s legs. She twisted and turned, and ended up almost pressed up against me. How could I forget? Isla is extremely hard to wake up.
I turned around onto my side and my entire body tensed up when I realised that her face was inches from mine. Her hair had come undone and it was spread out underneath her. I slid my hand up to the nape of her neck and ran my fingers through her hair. She made cute grumbling noises and moved closer to me. My stomach flipped; I could feel her breath against my chest and it sent a current throughout my body. I want to move…but I don’t want to move…but…I should move. Slowly -I twisted myself around, lying flat on my back again. This time she didn’t move and now her cheek was pressed up against my right shoulder. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. Dammit.
And then I fell asleep.

Chapter 7

  “I got your text.” I held my phone in the air and smiled.
  “I can see that.” Jasper grinned back.
He was sitting on a park bench under the street lamp. There were dark shadows falling over his face, making his cheek bones far more prominent. I would have liked to paint him sitting there; just a man alone on a park bench, the light from an overhead street lamp surrounding him in a soft spotlight. The trees were dark shadows in the background and made me see lurking monsters hiding behind each one.

Jasper beckoned me over and I slowly walked towards him and sat down on the other side of the bench.
  “I was kicked out.” Jasper’s rough voice interrupted the silence.
He turned to look at me with a crooked smile.
  “That’s why I moved to NYAA. I was expelled from the last school I was in.
  “Why were you expelled?” I was curious, I wanted to know all about him. He intrigues me.
  “A lot of reasons.” His voice was heavy and his lips were a thin line.
So it does bother him.
  “Which were?”
I want to know, I want to know, I want to know.
  “Who said I was going to tell you?”
  “Well then why did you call me out here.” I shot him a cheeky grin and moved a little a closer, nudging him with my elbow “Come on.”
He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair; his scars highlighted under the street lamp.
  “I got myself into a lot of shit.” He sighed and didn’t continue.
  “No kidding. That’s usually how you get expelled.” I’ve always thought it was stupid when people pointed out the obvious.
He gave me this look. His eyebrows were raised and he had a crooked smile. Like he was thinking that he might actually find me quite interesting.
    Or just plain nosy.
  “You gonna let me finish or what?”
I raised my hands in defence and waved him on.
  “There was a bit of an accident. It-” He paused, like he was trying to figure out what words would adequately describe what had happened. “Well, it was fucked up.” He looked down at the floor, kicked a stone and watched it as it rolled away.
  “That’s what it was really; it was absolutely fucked up. People got hurt. Not even sure how it all ended up happening but somehow, somehow I ended up with blood everywhere; lots of blood everywhere and there was glass and splinters too. It looked as if someone had cut them all open and painted the floors with them and the walls too. All that red.”
He looked like he was freaking out at just the memory, his eyes had gone wild and he was speaking so fast. His hands were balled into tight fists; his knuckles had gone white. I found myself inching away from him, from the realisation that I didn’t want to hear about it anymore.                      
  “People were sprawled on the floor, with blood pooling everywhere. I hadn’t even realised that I’d done anything, I didn’t mean to. It was just everywhere.”
What is he talking about? What did he do?
He was trembling and I was sure it wasn’t from the cold.
  “J-Jasper? Calm down. Y-You don’t have to-” My voice was shaking. He was scaring me and I could barely put my words together. I took a deep breath and tried again: “You don’t have to finish, really. It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”
His eyes were darting all over the place as if he expected something to jump out at him; even I thought something might, with all the trees around us. What could have happened that was so traumatising that even the thought of it put him into a state of panic?
Maybe digging into his life is a bad idea, maybe- maybe for once I should just mind my own business.
Really? Is that honestly what you want to do? Have you ever met anyone as interesting and mysterious as him?
Crazy more like it.
That was a good point; never in my life have I known someone like him; crazy he might be. He has something dark and eerie about him and I want to know why.
But the answer may be something that you don’t want to hear.

We just sat there in silence for next quarter of an hour. He was sitting there staring off at nothing and I was just looking at him. He’d relaxed a fair bit; his eyes calm and he’d loosened his fists. His head was resting in his hands with an elbow placed on each knee. I could see goose bumps covering his arms, the hairs standing up on end.
 I should say something.
  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ha-”
  “No, Isla don’t apologize. It’s my fault; I shouldn’t have called you out here. I’m sorry.” He let out a sigh and stood up. “You best be on your way then.”
He turned to me and I could see that he’d put up a wall. His eyes were clouded and empty.
Good, cause he was scaring the shit out of me before.
Alex was right when he’d told me to stay away from Jasper; this guy has issues. I should probably keep my distance.
  “Yeah, I guess I should be going.” I let out a sigh. “See you at school?” I added.
  “Yeah.” He nodded and then stood there awkwardly with his hands in him pockets. Then he sat back down. “Umm… I think I’m just going to stay here.”
It was odd. His body language and tone of voice had changed entirely. He seemed again like that shy guy who I met a few days ago; his confidence had all slipped away. He seemed to have multiple personalities that change each time I see him.
  “Alright.” I nodded at him stiffly and walked back towards the apartments.
I was halfway there before I heard the padding of running feet behind me; I turned around to see Jasper jogging to a stop.
  “You wanna go for coffee or something? I know a place about 10 minutes from here, it’s good.”
I was about to say “Sure, why not?” until the whole scene of him flipping out popped back into my head and sent shivers down my spine. And I also realized the time; it was 9:15 PM.
Fuck, I’m late.I turned to him and said: “I’m sorry, maybe another time.” And started jogging towards home; I looked down at my watch and eventually broke out into a run.

I stood at the base of the apartment building, leaning against the wall and catching my breath.
Made it. After the stress of being late was off my shoulders I realized that I’d just ran off leaving Jasper standing there in the middle of the path probably thinking I ran away from him rather than running home cos I was late. “Great; you make one friend and you ran away from him. He probably thinks you’re dead scared of him too.” I said to myself and bonked my head against the wall behind me. Probably cause you are scared of him. “Idiot” I grumbled to myself and made my way up to Edith’s place.

Rick answered the door with his usual: “Hey there, kiddo!” He gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek and shuffled me into the living room. He was wearing his favourite shirt: A white T-shirt with a print of Darth Vadar’s helmet on it.  Everyone was sitting in the living room; Alex and Joanie were each on their own, navy-blue beanbags perched in front of the PS3. They were both shouting and Alex was laughing hysterically. Edith was sitting on the couch, curled up in a purple throw.
 “Late as usual.” Edith smiled and looked up at me. “Where were you this time?”
 I sat down beside her and smiled “Hey Edith.” I gave her a tight hug, stalling while I thought of what I’d respond with. I can’t tell her I was with Jasper because Alex would hear and he told me to stay away form him. And I really don’t want to get into another argument with him.
  “Sorry, I was in the shower and lost track of time. Didn’t miss anything interesting, did I?”
She gave me a sideways look and for a second I didn’t think she believed me. She stared at me for a few moments. Thankfully, she bought it and snapped into mother-mode. “Well, Joanie already cut your cake for you. Sorry about that. The slices are on the table; want me to get you one?”
  “Nah, its fine. I’ll get one later.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek and stood up.
  “Isla, what’s that on your neck?” My stomach sank. Fuck, I forgot to cover up the hickey Alex gave me!
Through a mass of “um’s” I managed to come up with it: “Um It was sunny today and-ah- I was out in the field at school and um I got a burn. It’s nothing; I’ll put some lotion on it later.” Before she could retort I turned around and quickly walked over to the boys.
The two of them were in the midst of a bloody battle in Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. Alex was winning of course and laughing his head off while he was at it. The characters on the screen flew from one place to the other in a dance of knives and blood.
 “Joanie, isn’t this game a bit too violent for you?” I hung my arms around his neck from behind; leaning my chin on his soft hair. He ignored my question and kept on fighting-pushing all of the buttons on his controller at random.
I looked over at Alex - he was wearing a denim shirt over black jeans with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I couldn’t help but laugh at the determined look on his face. He was squinting at the screen and his jaw was clenched.  And that is when I found myself caught in a sort of daze. I stared at him, starry-eyed and totally out of it. I looked at his pale lips- lips that were pressed against mine only an hour ago. I watched as they split into a smile, exposing his pearl white but slightly chipped teeth. His arms shot up into the air, the controller flying and hitting the ground with a ‘thump’. I felt Joanie slump under me and I jerked forward, knocked out of my Alex-infused daze.
  “I give up! I can’t beat you.” Joanie let out a moan. “I’ve tried and tried and tried but, you are undefeatable!” He sat back up and looked over at Alex who was looking back at him with a victorious grin.
  “That’s right, Joanie.” He laughed loudly, hooted and stood up “I, Sir Alex Hart!” he said in a loud and deep voice “Am undefeatable!”
I stood up, looking him in the eyes and saying “I bet I could beat you.”
It was quite comical: an underdog taking on the undefeated victor.
  “Hand her that controller will you.” He ordered Joanie, our gazes still fixed. “Let’s see what you got, Birthday Girl.” He winked at me and dropped back down to the bean-bag.

We spent the next few hours battling each other in different combat games and surprisingly enough I was the one winning. Joanie had already fallen asleep at this point- it was 1 AM after all. But of course, Alex eventually took the lead and by 2.30 AM I was sick of losing. I tossed the controlled in the corner and said, in a defeated voice: “You win.” He just laughed at me and started putting away the PlayStation. While he did that, I picked up Joanie and took him to his bedroom.
Jesus he’s so much heavier than I remember! No more chips for you, fat ass. I thought as I tucked him in. When I went back to the living room Alex was lying on the couch with this hand over his eyes.
  “I don’t get it.” I said as I walked over to the corner table to get myself a slice of cake “You used to be so shit at these kinds of games, I was sure I could win. Next time I’ll get you. I mean I wasn’t even that far off from winning.” I turned back to Alex, cake in hand and I sat at his feet at the base of the couch. I kept on rambling for a bit about nothing in particular while eating my cake; Alex just lying there listening to me. Well, I thought he was listening to me anyway.

  “Do you want the French homework we got today? Since you missed class I doubt you’d have to do it but, it’s easy and only a little so you might as well.” I looked over at him, waiting for him to respond but, he didn’t. He just lay there with his hand over his eyes. “Alex?” I put down my now empty plate and tickled the base of his foot.
  “I’ve been talking to myself, haven’t I?” I stretched my arms up and yawned “Hmm, you were that worn out?” I guess you fell asleep and I just didn’t notice.
I moved from his feet, my tiny torso now fitting sideways on the couch in line with his chest.
You always fall asleep on this couch. I let out a sigh. He was cute when he was asleep. Like everyone else he looked much younger but, I’d always thought he looked quite sad while sleeping. When we were little I used to think he’d be having a nightmare so, I’d wake him up. He used to say:
“I look sad when I’m sleeping cos you’re not cuddling me.” And then we’d snuggle together until we fell back to sleep. I couldn’t help but wonder: if I woke him now, would he say the same thing?
 I poked his cheek a few times and tapped his nose but there was no response. “Alex? Alex, wake up.” I poked his cheek again but there was still no response. And then I had an idea. I lowered my lips to his ear and blew air into it quickly. I only expected a little jump but, he got so startled that he fell off the couch, squishing me under him.
   “Woah, what just happened?” I couldn’t stop giggling but I was trying as hard as I could to keep it as quiet as possible.
  “That was priceless, I’m sorry Alex.” I said between laughs. He looked down at me with a confused look on his face which only made me giggle more.
  “Shhh, you’ll wake everyone up.” He put his hand over my mouth but he was so sleepy that he didn’t even move it before setting his head down on the carpet next to mine. We were a bit of a tangled mess; his left hand was on my face, my left arm was under him. His hips were slightly over mine and our legs were twisted together. 
  “Speaking of waking people up.” He murmured into the carpet “Why did you wake me up?”
Why did I wake him up? I couldn’t even remember now. I could feel his breath against my skin. Our bodies were so closely intertwined. I might as well take advantage of the situation.
I slid my hand to the nape of his neck and tugged lightly on his hair as I pressed our lips together. He was suddenly wide awake and he pulled me in closer, his arms gripping my body tightly. His right arm slid down from the nape of my neck to the small of my back and he pulled me in even closer, our bodies moulding together. One of his hands was tangled in my hair and he was kissing up and down my neck and then he was kissing my collarbone, and suddenly his lips were making their way down and my entire body heated up.
The two of us were so caught up in the moment that we didn’t notice the large shadow looming over us. We both jumped at the deep sound of Rick clearing his throat.
Alex and I just stared at him for a good minute; our bodies still twisted together, one of Alex’s hands in my hair and the other still on my thigh. Once we actually processed what was going on, we both jumped out of our little knot and stared up at Rick open mouthed.
Fuck...Fuck….FUCK.
My first reaction was to laugh but when I saw the confused and slightly horror-struck look on Rick’s face, my gaze dropped to the floor. Alex was sitting cross-legged, pressed up against the couch; his gaze also focused on the floor. Rick has known the two of us since we were 10 and knew nothing about our little flings. To Rick, Alex and I were like brother and sister. A feeling of shame flushed over me and I knew my cheeks were probably bright red.
  “Um…..yeah. You know what, I don’t even want to know.” Rick looked from Alex to me; from me to Alex and then to the glass in his hand. “I only came out for a drink.” He almost robotically turned around and walked back towards his bedroom. “Edith, wait till you hear what just happened.” That was the last thing we heard him say before he shut the door behind him.

Chapter 6

I stormed up the stairs, not having the patience to wait for the elevator. The sound of my feet slamming against the stairs echoed against the walls of the paint chipped stairway. I reached my door and slammed it shut after entering my apartment. I threw my bag on the canvas covered couch and stalked into the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of apple juice from the fridge.
My door clicked open and I leaned back against the counter, watching as Alex poked his head inside.
  “What do you want, Alex?” My voice was hoarse from yelling at him and I was out of breath from climbing all the stairs. I took a sip of my apple juice and looked at him.
  “Just thought I might come up to check on you.” He walked into the kitchen and came over to me, and placing his arms on either side of me; resting his body weight against the kitchen counter. He let out a long sigh and hung his head. “Why are you mad at me?”
  “Why? You should know why.” I spat out my words, sounding more pissed off than I actually was.
 “Okay I know why but what’s the point? If you’re mad at me for not telling you about it, than that will make me not want to tell you even more.” His voice was tired and I could tell that he really wasn’t up for an argument.
 
  “Hmm” I grumbled and bumped my forehead against his chest. This is silly. I don’t want to fight with my best friend on my birthday. He’s right, it was pointless.
  “I just want to spend your birthday with you. Is that alright?”
   “Hmm” I mumbled and he hugged me, kissed my forehead and smiled. 

   “Good, now let’s go do something fun.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “What do you wanna do?”
 I put down my juice and jumped up on the counter, reaching Alex’s eye level. 
 
  “I don’t know, let’s just do nothing. Can we do nothing?”

I just want to sit here with him and talk about things and just hang out with him. I love his company; I’ve always loved just sitting beside him and watching him talk. He gets so into what he’s talking about and you see his expressions change while he's in his rambles and his hands fly all over the place. You can see the understanding in his eyes. I’ve always thought he’d be a good public speaker, and I was right. When he does his speeches for the student council, he always leaves everyone in awe. No matter how boring the topic was, he can make it interesting.
 “Yeah, we can do nothing if you want.” He smiled at me and kissed me on the forehead again. Then he moved his hand to my chin and he tiled my head up. He was staring at me with his ice blue eyes; just smiling at me.
 
  “Why are you staring at me? You know I hate it when people stare.”
 I shook my head a little.
Then he surprised me. He leaned in and gave me a tender kiss on the lips; his were warm against mine. Then he hugged me tight with one arm and kissed my forehead again.
  “What was that for?” I wasn’t too shocked or anything, the sometimes surprised me with a random kiss. Kisses between us don’t mean anything romantic, it was just who he was.
   “I just wanted to. You taste like apple juice by the way.” He gave me a flirtatious wink which every girl except me thinks is sexy; I think it’s just tacky and he knows it. 

I glared at him and he kissed me again.
                                        
  “You’re a sucker for sneak attacks; anyone could just walk up to you and kiss you and you wouldn’t even see it coming.” He smirked down at me and, just to prove his point, he kissed me again and laughed at my shocked expression.
This is totally unfair; he’s got a skill with unexpected kisses.
 “Well, how do you know I’m not just letting you kiss me?” That’s a total lie but I don’t really care, as long as I don’t lose its all okay
 “Oh are you now? So you do miss my kisses then.” The sides of his mouth twitched up into a smirk; he was going into woman-killer mode. Alex and I went through this friends-with-benefits faze about a year ago, but we ended that cause he’s Alex and I’m Isla and it was just weird. 

 “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” I was putting on the best flirt I could, I just hate losing. Alex is always right and losing to him is a pain in the ass ‘cause he always holds it against me. His eyes were twinkling with amusement; I rarely flirt but at times like these it’s hard not to.

  “I think you do. I can see it in your eyes m’dear.” He leaned in close and we touched noses. “You miss kissing me” in that sly voice of his he uses when he’s teasing me.

I couldn’t help but get a few butterflies; I can totally see why all the girls fall for him. If I hadn’t known him all my life, I might have fallen for him too. 


We stood there in silence for a few minutes, our noses still touching. My cheeks were flushed and our breathing was shallow. He tilted my chin up and smirked.

  “What do you know, she’s blushing.” He kissed me on the corner of my lips and my stomach flipped.
 “No I’m not, fuck you.” I buried my face in his shirt only managing to prove that I was indeed blushing. He laughed at me.
  “Alright, I’ve teased you enough. Come here.” He lifted my face to his and I felt his lips brush against mine. It was weird. Kissing Alex was…different. I’m not going to lie, he's a good kisser, but kissing your best friend feels odd. But still my arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in. His arms were wound around my waist. I’d never really noticed how buff he was, his arms were big and strong around me. Our lips melted together; our kisses slow and soft. I’d forgotten how nice this was, to just lose yourself in a kiss. But of course, Alex had to ruin the moment and say:
  “See what I mean, you’re  a sucker for sneak attacks.” He bumped his nose against mine and laughed at me.
My cheeks were burning and my breathing was shallow; Fuck it.
  “You. You are an evil, evil man.” I gave him a small peck on the cheek and hopped off the counter
  “Admit it, you missed that.” He's getting cocky. 
  “You sure you’re not the one who missed it?” I twirled around and poked his hardened stomach, making a ‘pop’ noise with my lips in the process. 
 
  “Let’s just agree that we both missed it.”   He caught me in my twirl and gave me a tight hug from behind.  I could feel his breath against my cheek, then a kiss against my neck. A light buzz passed through me and I melted a little. He knew that my weakness for neck-kisses
No, no. Bad Isla, calm down, it’s just Alex. He’s only messing with you. I thought to myself.

So what if he’s messing with you. You guys have kissed before, it’s nothing new.
I debated with myself for a while, considering whether or not I should just let him keep kissing me. 
Well, it is your birthday. Have a little fun! And so, with that thought in mind, I turned around and planted a kiss firmly on his lips.

We ended up on the couch and all the canvases were pushed to the floor instead. Somehow, Alex managed to pin me down, one arm on either side of my shoulders and his body over mine. We were kissing for ages then eventually we just laid there cuddling; he was running his fingers through my hair and twirling the strands around in his fingers. Not sure how long went by until he said:

  “I really, really need to take a piss.” I burst out laughing, my hands going up to cover my mouth. He was laughing too; his cute, soft laugh merging with mine. He kissed my neck and got up, then made his way to the bathroom. I lay there on the couch thinking that I actually did miss this. 
I sat up, my head going a little fuzzy since I’d been lying down for so long. My hair was falling over my shoulders and my side fringe was covering my eyes; a red curtain blocking my view.
            
Right, so Alex got into a fight with Jasper. Then Alex got into a fight with me. Then we made up and made out. It’s definitely been an interesting birthday.
Alex walked back into the room and sat cross legged in front of me. He’d rolled up the sleeves of his faded red shirt and there were tiny droplets of water staining the front. His hair was a bit of a mess too, it was spiking up in almost every direction. I guess I’m to blame for that, for running my hands through his hair and all. His lips were pinker than usual; I guess that’s my fault too. His lips were in a tight line, but they started twitching up at the corners and eventually split into a smile.
  “Isla, you’re staring at me.” I jumped a little, snapping out of my daze. I realized that he wasn’t just randomly smiling, but he was smiling because I was staring at him. He chuckled and raised his hand to my cheek; stroking it with his thumb. I leaned against his hand and nuzzled it with my nose.
  “Your hair is a mess.” He combed my fringe to the side and kissed my forehead once he could actually see it.
 “Well, so is yours. You look like Alfalfa.” I sat up on my knees and started pulling at his hair, styling it at different angles and trying to figure out how he does it but no matter how I combed it, it didn’t seem right. He shook his head once and ran his fingers through it twice, and then he looked back up at me; his silky blonde hair parting perfectly and falling slightly over his left eye as usual. I grumbled, annoyed that I couldn’t have styled it myself since it looked quite simple when he did it. He smiled at me. I turned around and placed my head in his lap, looking up at him and asking:

 “What do you want to do now?” 
He was running his hands through my hair again, spreading it out over his lap.
 
  “Well, I was enjoying what we’ve been doing so far.” His voice was quiet and soft and his hands were moving slowly through my hair. 
 
  “Is teasing me really that amusing?” My voice was quiet too, I’m not sure why but speaking louder seemed like it would mess things up. 
 
  “Yeah, it really is. But what’s more amusing is the fact that you’re actually tempting me.” He was smirking again and his blue eyes were smiling too, if that makes any sense.
 “And how’s that?” 
All I’ve done is be completely seduced by him. At this point I was pretty sure that Alex was secretly a siren or something; using his enchanted voice to say things to lure me in. In what way am I tempting at all?
  “I’m not really sure, but holding myself back from kissing you seems to be quite the challenge at the moment.” 

  “Then don’t hold back.”
 I whispered.
Alex pulled me up off his lap and twisted me around to face him. He slipped his left arm around my waist and his right on the nape of my neck, pulling me in and kissing me. His touch sent a shock through my entire body; my stomach was filled with butterflies. 
These kisses weren't soft and tender anymore; they were hard and urgent and something more. My stomach flipped again and my heart began to race. 
I wasn’t used to this; kissing someone with so much passion, let alone kissing Alex with so much passion. Our past kisses were softer and less rushed, but this time; I don’t even know. 
He fell back on the couch and pulled on top of him. Our legs were twisting together and his hands were in my hair. My hands pressed against his chest and I could feel his heart hammering beneath his ribs.
What’s gotten into him?He started kissing my neck but then he stopped suddenly and just laughed. We were both panting and our hearts were racing, but why was he laughing? He stared at my neck and was rubbing it with his thumb, a massive grin spreading over his face. And that was when I realized why he laughed. “You asshole!” My hand went up to my neck, rubbing the spot where he had been kissing me.
He burst out laughing and kissed me on the lips again; this time it was a slow and lingering kiss, distracting me.
 “You’ve got a hickey baby girl.” He had an evil grin on his face and he was eyeing his masterpiece. 
I pushed myself off him and padded over to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and I burst out laughing. 
He got me good.On the left side of my neck was a poppy coloured hickey going from the edge of my jaw to the base of my neck in a narrow ribbon-like line. 
You’re alright; you can just cover it up with foundation.After analysing the damage, I walked back into the living room but Alex wasn’t there anymore.
Where the hell’d he go? 
I checked the kitchen but he wasn’t there either.
   “Alex?” I called out from the kitchen and heard him call from my bedroom.

I walked into my room to find him lying on my bed stoking Homer’s stomach. Homer was stretched out and purring loudly. I bounced onto the bed and scooped Homer up, lifting him high in the air above me then giving him a nice hug and letting him loose. He meowed and shuffled off the bed; his bell jingling as he ran off.
 
  “He never lets me cuddle him, he’s so mean.” I curled up in a ball; my back pressed against Alex’s stomach.
 
  “Well, how would you like it if I randomly picked you up and started hugging you, huh?” 
 
  “I would actually love that and that is why I don’t understand why Homer doesn’t.” I turned onto my side so I could face Alex and he smiled at me “I mean, cats get hugs without even needing to ask but they totally take it for granted.”
 
  “Then maybe I should start doing that, then.”
 “Start doing what? Taking hugs for granted
  “No, randomly picking you up and hugging you.” My stomach flipped and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks again. 

What is up with you? Alex is making you blush, this is weird.

But, I kinda liked it; it was different and it’s been a while since I’ve felt like this anyway.
 
  “Today was fun.”
I wasn’t lying. It was a lot of fun. When I think about it, I never really wanted to end that whole friends-with-benefits thing Alex and I had going but, Alex started dating other girls so it seemed a bit wrong. 

  “Yeah, it was.” He was stroking my arm and drawing figure of eights on my skin with his index finger.
  “We should do this more often.” 

I wonder how often is more often?
  “Yeah, we should.” 
He smiled and kissed me again.

  “I’m going to head home for-“

  “No, no stay. Please.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.
I really didn’t want him to leave. 
 
  “Just for a bit, I’ll see you at Edith’s in a while anyway.” He kissed me on the forehead and shuffled off the bed.

What time is it anyway? I checked my watch to see that it was already 8; we’d been at my apartment for the past 4 hours. My cheeks burned up again at the fact that the two of us had spent most of that time making out. 
 
  “I’d forgotten about that. We have to be at her’s for 9 so I guess I don’t mind you leaving.”
I got up off the bed and followed him out the room, leaning against the main door while he put his shoes on. 
“How about this, after Edith’s place I’ll come over and we can play some Mario. You good with that?”
Play Mario? Seriously?
  “Yeah, sounds good to me.” 

No, no it doesn’t. Why are you lying to him?
 “Cool, well I’ll see you in an hour then.” He walked over to the door and kissed me on the forehead but I didn’t move out of the way. I looked down at my feet like a nervous little girl; still not moving.
 “You really did miss my kisses, didn’t you?” He held my head in his hands and pulled me in for another kiss.
 “Maybe.” I stretched out the word and smiled, giving him a small peck. I could feel him smile against my lips.

He gave me a tight hug and I moved out the way, letting him pass through the door.
  “Happy Birthday, Isla.” He winked at me and laughed. 



I had a massive smile on my face. I walked back into my bedroom, going to the closet to find something else to wear. Before I got down to taking something out, my phone buzzed on the table. I walked over and picked up the old blue Nokia (I wasn’t one for fancy Android phones) and checked that there was a message from an unknown number saying:
 Hey it’s Jasper.
 The phone buzzed again and it was another text from the same number.

 wnt 2 meet up 2night?we nvr got 2 finish our chat.
He wants to finish our chat? I thought he left last night so that he could get away from me? Guess that’s not the case. And how did he get my number? This boy was strange. But I was intrigued. What else did he want to talk about? I quickly typed out a short text and clicked ‘send’. I had just under an hour until I had to be at Edith's. Maybe I could the solve the mystery of Jasper before then. Less than a minute later my phone buzzed again. The text simply said;
now. park.
Guess I had better hurry up then if I want to make it back in time for dinner. I forgot about looking for clothes to wear, grabbed my purse and made my way out to meet Jasper at the park. 

Chapter 5

I sat there staring at him blankly. That can’t be right, can it? He’d told me that he had cut off all ties with that group, now he’s telling me that the person I just saw him kissing isn’t his girlfriend but one of the people who fucked up his life. But I know him. I can see that he’s scared. He doesn’t want to fall into that dark pit again, but he’s afraid he might.
  “Isla say something.” I ran my fingers through my hair and shook my head. His face was tight and expectant; looking at me anxiously like a child who just confessed to breaking something. I suppose he did break something. He broke his promise to not only me but to himself. He’d promised that he’d never have anything to do with them again.
  “Please Isla.”
  “How can I say anything when I don’t even know what’s going on?”
Alex stood up and started pacing, he always paced when he’s trying to think of the right words to say.
  “I don’t know if I should tell you.” He mumbled and continued “What if you get mad at me?”
 He couldn’t stop fidgeting; his hands were pulling at the sleeves.
   “I’m not going to get mad at you, Alex.”
  “But, what if I told you I’ve gone back? What if I told you that I’ve been hanging around Alyssa for a while now?” He looked over at me, his words flowing out quickly.
  “How long is a while?” I have the feeling that I’m not going to like what I hear. Maybe I should ask him more once he’s calmed down, I can see him getting frustrated. His hands are balled up in fists; his muscles tight.
  “A few months now. She came by the house and said she missed me, she said everyone missed me. I haven’t seen anyone except for her and Simon though.”
  “Are you doing drugs again?”
He hesitated, processing the question and replying with a well thought out “Yes.”
I let out a long, disappointed sigh and stood up. I just don’t know what to think or what to say. It’s all quite simple really but it’s a lot to take in.
  “I’m gonna go for a walk. I’ll see you later, Alex.” I grabbed my portfolio and walked out of him room, leaving his apartment and walking back towards the park.

It’s cold tonight; I can see my breath in the air puffing out like smoke. I’m not sure what to think of what’s happening with Alex, I’m angry but I’m not at the same time. I feel bad for him, he’d made it almost a year since he’d gone clean.
  “You know, it’s not safe for you to walking out here all alone at night.” The voice was familiar and matched a familiar face. It took me a second to realize it was Jasper.
  “Well, you’re alone too.” I retorted.
  “Yes, but I’m not a girl.” He smiled. He was leaning against one of the many leafless trees lining the left side of the pavement.  He was holding a camera and his you could hear the monotone beep whenever he pressed a button.
  “You should also be more aware of who’s taking your photos.”
He pointed the camera screen in my direction and flicked through five photos. They were all of me; two from just now and the other three from earlier. The last one even had Alex in the background. The photos have a light and feathery feel to them, almost as if they’d been taken out of some dream.
  “I-I, um…why exactly did you take photos of me?”
He smiled and took the camera back.
  “Because I had my camera and you happened to be around. I’ve been in the park for hours, most of my days are spent taking photos of people who don’t even know they’re being photographed.”
  “That’s a little creepy, don’t you think?” Well he’s definitely normal.
  “No, I don’t think it’s creepy at all. People are quite beautiful and should be seen at every single angle. That works best when they’re moving fluidly rather than posing.” He smiled again, looking at the photos on his camera as if they were his greatest treasures.
  “So, Isla, how come you’re out all here all by yourself?”
He leaned against the tree behind him and slit down it’s trunk, planting himself at the base of the tree.
  “I just needed some fresh air.”
He patted the grass beside him and I reluctantly walked over.
  “You stressed about something?” his voice has a hint of concern and his eyes twinkled with curiosity. What’s with him? I’ve barely known him a day.
  “Um no, not really. Just out for a walk.” Which is a total lie, the whole thing with Alex is wearing me out but, it’s not my place to talk about his problems with someone I barely know.
I wanted time alone to think things through, find out how I was going to help Alex but, I guess that won’t be happening tonight. I let out a long sigh and decided it would be a good idea to spark a conversation.
  “Do you live around here?” It was the first thing that came to mind so, I asked.
  “No, I live a while away from here. You?” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
  “Yeah, Newtown Park Apartment Complex just around there.” I pointed in its general direction and looked back at him while trying to ignore the smell of smoke.
  “Ah, I know those apartments well, used to go there often when I was younger. Want a smoke?”  He offered the packet to me; I could smell the dry stench of the tobacco.
  “No, I’m alright, I don’t smoke.”  He raised an eyebrow at me and shrugged.
  “Fair enough, more for me.” He placed another cigarette between his lips; the previous one a sizzling stump.
  “I don’t see how you can take that, it smells rotten.”  I grimaced as he blew smoke in my face and he just laughed and said:
  “Live a little, Isla. It’s just one life and this is just one cigarette.” He took another pull and leaned his head back against the tree.
  “Thanks for the offer and words of wisdom but like I said, I don’t smoke. So, you enjoy yourself there.” Right, he’s a smoker. Not a plus point but hey, we all have our vices. Though there is something about him, something I just can’t pinpoint that gives me a chill down my back. He just has this air of danger to him; I don’t know it’s hard to explain. He makes me so curious.
  “How come you moved to NYAA half way through term?” I fell back and lay on the grass, my head resting against my portfolio.
  “It’s a long and complicated story, but it’s also extremely boring. Wouldn’t interest a bright mind like yours.”
  “Well, that’s no problem since I have plenty of time.” I stretched my legs and retracted them again; curling up in the grass like Homer does when he’s cold.
  “You may have time but, I don’t. It’s nearly twelve and I’ve got somewhere to be, so-” He grabbed my hand and helped me up off the ground. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow and we can continue our conversation then.”
His hands were rough and cold with silver scars decorating the backs. When he pulled me up I realized that he’s actually much larger than Alex; his shoulders are broader and his arm muscles more prominent.
  “Right, I’ll see you later then.” I said as he turned away.
He was cutting through the park to get passed the other gate. I assume he’s heading for the subway station since that’s the easiest way to get there.
I don’t think he’s going to tell me why he moved. Well, I suppose I wouldn’t have either if I were him. He doesn’t know me so why would he tell me anything? Maybe it is just something boring like him moving in from another country or him just wanting to go to NYAA. After all, it is renowned for its students becoming successful in the arts and he clearly has a love for the visual.
  “Well, that was interesting.” I mumbled to myself, staring after him. I picked up my portfolio off the ground and walked back in the direction of home.

-*-*-*-*-*-

The hot water rained down from the shower head, hammering around me like a storm. I’d been in the shower for about ten minutes before I got interrupted by Alex, banging on the bathroom door. He opened it just a crack and stuck his head in. I yelled at him to get out from behind the shower curtain but he came in instead.
  “Relax, I can’t see you and I’m not even interested in seeing you naked.” I could hear him rummaging through the cabinet that held Homer’s food.
  “Alex, get out! And I’ve already fed Homer!”
  “Well, I’m giving him more. Just hurry up or Mr.Doran’ll give us hell.” Blaming me for us being late, as per usual.
  “I would have been out by now if you didn’t come in while I was in the shower!” I heard the creak of the door closing and then the only sound was that of the pouring water “He’s such an idiot.”
I let out a long sigh and turned the water off. A towel poked through the shower curtain scaring the shit out of me and making me jump back.
  “Towel, M’lady?”  He was trying hard not to explode with laughter; you could hear it in his voice. He probably even has his other hand over his mouth.
   “Alex, get the fuck out!” I turned the shower back on and aimed it at him through the gap in the curtain. 
  “Bitch, you soaked the cat!” Alex was laughing and I heard Homer meow and grumble irritably “Oh that was fun. Okay, I’m getting out now. I’ll be in the kitchen.”
He chuckled to himself and I heard the door click shut; I poked my head around the curtains to double-check if he’d actually left this time. I dashed to the door and locked it, relieved that I can finally dry off.
  “Every year.” I let out a sigh and laughed a little.
Every year on November 2^nd he’d play a prank on me and then make it up to me with a birthday cake from Martha’s Cake-house; I assume this year is no different.
I wrapped the towel around my hair like a turban and got dressed. I pulled on a pair of dark-blue jeans and an oversized black jumper with the print of a white crown in the centre.  I put on my jewellery and eyeliner then towel dried my long, red hair.
  “Yoo-hoo!” It was Alex again. He knocked on the door and I opened it, greeting me with a tight hug
  “Happy eighteenth, Isla.” He smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek then he dragged me into the kitchen where a large, white box labelled ‘Martha’s Cakes’ sat on the counter.
I opened it to see a plain white iced cake with a red heart in the centre. It was simple and cute and looked absolutely delicious.
  “Since you don’t have a heart, I thought I’d give you one.” He ruffled my hair and we laughed. I poked my finger into the red icing and rubbed it off on his nose.
  “Now you look like the clown you really are.”
He went cross-eyed, looking at the icing and tried to lick it off with his tongue.
  “Hold on, I just want to say hey to the strangers across the hall.” I walked over to Edith’s door and waited patiently after ringing the bell.
Rick answered and he was holding a small, blue cupcake with a single red candle in it.
  “Happy birthday, kiddo!” He gave me a big hug and said that Edith had already left to drop Joanie to school but she’ll see me at dinner.

The morning passed by in a rush and it was lunch before I’d realized it. I walked out onto the fields and perched myself down on the grass.
  “Mind if I join you? My posse don’t seem to be interested in me today.” He was towering above me; his shadow blocking out the winter sun.
  “You? Alone?  That’s a rare opportunity during school so I’ll take it; sit.”
He sat down beside me, folding his long body and shrinking down to my size.
  “By the way, are you free tonight?” I looked over at him expectantly; with his busy life, who knows.
  “Well, yeah. It’s your birthday so I haven’t made any plans, what’s up?”
 Good, he’s free. I don’t know why, but I just had the feeling that he’d be doing something tonight.
  “It’s just the usual. With the cake and video games and all down at Edith’s so, come.”
  “I plan to. Little Big Planet?” He winked at me and I nodded with a large grin on my face.
We sat there eating out lunches until he said;
  “About the whole Alys’ before he could even get halfway through his sentence his phone began to buzz furiously in his pocket “Hold on a sec, Isla.” He stood up and took a few steps.
  “Hello? Oh, hey. No. What? Now?” he let out a long sigh and continued “Alright. Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.” He hung up and made a series of irritated grunting noises.
  “I’ve gotta go, student council shit. I’ll you later, alright? We’ve got French later so I’ll sit with you.” He jogged off in the direction of block F, leaving me by myself in the school yard.
He’s always so busy, and here I thought I might get to spend my birthday with him at school. I get lonely sometimes. Except for Alex, my only other friend is Homer and he’s not even human. Even though Alex says I stand out, I don’t. If I left school and showed up a month later, the only ones who’d notice would be him and Ms.Riley.  Ms.Riley is the head of the art department and my favourite teacher. She’s a short, pudgy lady who wears square glasses too big for her face.

The bell went and I lifted my bag-pack off the floor and followed the flow of students. Then I saw that people were forming a circle and you could hear the chant of an oncoming fight.
  “Head to class. This has nothing to do with any of you.”
It was Alex’s voice; harsh and strict. The chant thinned out along with the crowd and I pushed my tiny body through the sea of people. I got a glimpse of Alex; his faded red shirt and dark jeans catching my eye.
  “Everyone go to class. Anyone left will get a Saturday detention.”  Mr Doran’s was coarse and dry and his tone was sharp “Alex, Jasper; principal’s office. Now.”
He hustled everyone into the school and walked toward block F with the boys’ towering over him on either side.
I was amused, confused and concerned. For one, why the hell was Alex being taken to the principal’s office? He hasn’t gotten into a fight with anyone since 10^th grade. Why did he get into a fight with Jasper anyway? Was there a fight at all? Was he hurt or was just an argument? So many questions in my head but no time to process or think about what just happened as I was rushed to double French in the language departments.

I sat by the window; the seat beside me where Alex normally sat was now occupied by Lithia Hayfield. Lithia’s a tall, tan girl from North Carolina. She has a strange obsession with the colour purple. All her copy books are purple, her bag, her pencil case; even the ends of her hair are purple. Even though she’s slightly strange, Lithia’s nice.
The double passed by at a mind numbingly slow pace and everyone was grateful when the bell finally rang. Alex was waiting for me in our usual spot by the school entrance. He had a poppy bruise on his chin and his lip was split and slightly swollen.
  “Alex, what the hell happened today? I saw you getting dragged to the principal’s office.” I stroked his bruise lightly with my thumb but he winced so I gave him a hug instead.
  “It’s just a bruise, don’t worry about it.” He rested his chin on my head and swayed slightly. “Sorry I couldn’t spend time with you, it being your birthday and all.”
He pulled away and smiled apologetically “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
  “It’s fine; just tell me what happened at lunch. I’m pretty confused.”
We walked over to his beat up Honda and I climbed into the passenger seat, chucking my bag on the floor and knocking over a can of beer in the process. I swore and picked it up but the can was dry; the contents already emptied. Alex just shrugged and said:
  “I can have a beer once in a while, you know?”
  “Yes, you can but this wasn’t here this morning, Alex.” I leaned in close and took a whiff of him. I hadn’t noticed before but, he smells of alcohol.
He rested his head on the steering wheel and looked over at me; his face squished by the wheel.
  “Can we just drop it? Please?”
  “Fine, just drive.”
He doesn’t trust me anymore. I don’t know, maybe he’s just really stressed out. He’ll tell me everything eventually, right?
I debated with myself in my about it for most of the drive home, since we didn’t talk this time either.
  “Isla, stop sulking. I’ll sort this all out.”
 He was saying it to me but I knew it was an empty promise.
  “Is that why you got into a fight with Jasper?” I blurted.
  “Is what why I got into a fight with Jasper?” he looked over at me and then back at road.
 I picked up the can and pointed at it. He sighed and I scanned his face, reading his reaction.
  “Yes and no. Just, stay away from that guy. He’s fucked up.” There was a hint of disgust in his voice. These two don’t even know each other yet they’re getting into fights?  It’s so weird. This isn’t like Alex at all.
  “He seems nice to me, but you? At the moment Alex you’re the one who seems fucked up. So, just tell me what’s wrong.”
  “Isla, I told you to drop it. I’m fine.” We pulled into the complex parking lot and I got out the second he stopped the car.
  “I don’t get it. Alex, you’re clearly not okay, yet you keep saying you are. There’s something on your mind that’s bothering you and you’re refusing to tell me.” Why am I so annoyed? Why am I raising my voice? “We promised, remember? If anything happens we’d tell each other!”
He just stared at me. Didn’t say a thing, just stared at me and stood there, leaning against the car bonnet. His expression was blank and it just pissed me off so much. Doesn’t he understand that I’m trying to help? Is he seriously that stubborn? He always tells me what’s wrong, what’s different this time?
  “Whatever, Alex. I’ll see you later.” I walked off towards A-5 and I could feel his eyes on my back.  I’m irritated, worried and upset all at the same time, feeling more alone than ever.